When I Remember
by haplesshippo
Summary: The world was a cold, unforgiving place. Physically, although challenging, I could survive. Mentally? Well, I would probably go insane. It probably wasn't too healthy to want to kill the person I was supposed to be protecting, after all. Self-insert.
1. When I'm reborn,

**A/N: I've always wanted to try my hand at a self-insert. This is a somewhat darker fic, somewhat graphic. There will be a somewhat morbid underlying theme throughout the fic, but there will also be spots of levity. Please enjoy!**

 **Warnings: somewhat dark, mentions of suicide**

XxX

I never really intended for it to happen. Well, I guess most people never really intend for it to happen. One minute, I was jogging across the street, struggling to keep my backpack from bouncing too much and hoping I wouldn't be late to my exam. The next, there was a blunt force, a painful and loud crack, and a whirl of pavement and gray sky. My backpack yanked at my back and my limbs, finally pulling me to a painful stop on my side. Dimly, I heard screams and alarmed shouts, and after a bit, the wailing of a siren.

I never really intended to die. I never really intended for what happened next to occur either. But that's the thing with life, you know? You never really intend for things to happen. They just do.

XxX

It was strange. I remember ice cold air, the inability to breath, and panic. I remember being held by, I'd assumed, hands, and I remember sounds, a rush of noise and voices speaking words I could not understand. I was scared, so, so scared. I remember flailing, trying to fend off this unknown terror. I remember something rough scraping along my skin, but the touch itself was gentle. I remember being enfolded in a swaddle of something soft, restricted in a terrifyingly deceptive manner, and I gasped as sheer horror stole over me, and I was left screaming and shaking.

The whole event was traumatizing. Only later would I finally understand what had happened, and when I finally did, well, it wasn't so surprising I thought I was insane, was it?

XxX

When I had finally calmed down, warm and comfortable but still restricted (I couldn't move let me _move_ ), cradled carefully, with only soft murmurs piercing the silence. My vision was poor, blurry in the dim light, but my ears picked up several masculine voices. My body rocked slowly, as if in a swing, and my eyes closed unwillingly, the events I'd been through during the past hour (was it an hour, a day, a year?) taking its toll on me and dragging me into sleep.

When I woke up to soft sunlight, it took a while to remember where I was. I wasn't going to class anymore, _couldn't_ go to class anymore. There would be no sleeping in while I skipped Physics, no lunch with my friends with Subway in one hand and backpack on the other shoulder, no more practicing in the frankly crappy practice rooms in our music building.

Why? Because I'd died. It was hard to deny the fact that I'd died amidst a screech of tires and burnt rubber, with ribs breaking and arms twisting and _my fingers were bloodied, probably could never play the piano again…!_

I screamed and cried again. Where was I? Why was I so helpless? It was almost as if I'd become a…baby…

My wails intensified.

XxX

I didn't adjust to my new situation for a while, not until my vision cleared and I could start recognizing faces. It was hard to deny that I was a baby when I couldn't even walk, and my hands smacked me in the face clumsily whenever I tried to exercise control over my limbs. Even then, I never adjusted, merely ignored.

It was hard to get over the fact that I'd died. I could still remember indescribable fire racing along my sides and the complete shattering of my fingers. They are one of the most sensitive parts of your body, the sensations felt along your fingertips disproportionately numerous when compared to skin on the thigh, and when I could feel bones piercing my fingertips, slim from piano practice, it was pure agony. Of course, there wasn't really any more agony when I'd blacked out. It'd been my reprieve from my hurt.

I often wondered if this was all a dream. Was I actually dead, and this was the afterlife? What kind of afterlife was this? I was indignant if this was what people spoke of when they mentioned heaven. Perhaps hell, but the place I was at didn't resemble hell much either. Perhaps a coma? An elaborate dream conjured by my mind because I couldn't cope with the near-death experience. Was I certifiably insane?

I'd entertained the possibility of reincarnation. It was, by all means, the most improbable of all the conclusions I'd made. I was never religious, but I could accept an afterlife. Who knew what happened after death? Certainly nobody lived to tell the tale. An afterlife, I could accept the existence of, but when applied to my situation? Impossible.

First, my baby brain shouldn't even have had the mental functions to deal with the sort of thinking I was doing at the moment. Babies had to learn everything from scratch, from how to move to how to speak. Their brains were essentially uncooked cookie dough, with no form and incredibly impressionable. They were underdeveloped. There was no way my baby brain could process everything that I was processing, it simply shouldn't have been possible. Mature thinking just didn't occur until the uncooked cookie dough was baked.

Second, out of the millions who had died before, I'd most probably been the only one reincarnated with my memories. This was, although possible, also highly illogical. If I was the first, there must have been a _reason_ why I was the first, but I was utterly normal before I'd died. Even my death was normal. Arrogant jaywalker thought she could cross a street right when the traffic light turned green, a car in a rush needed to get somewhere, and _bam!_ Instant strawberry jam, asphalt-style. I was completely normal, one in a billion.

And third, well, I didn't believe in souls, and the only reason my memories would be in a newborn would be if souls existed. The idea that there was a ball of energy, the essence of our personalities and self, was ludicrous to me. I was a science girl. Every decision we make, everything we think is all due to neurochemical reactions within our brain, hormones and neurotransmitters firing rapid-fire from cell to cell, controlling everything we did. So unless souls really existed, then there was no way my memories could have instantly transplanted themselves into another body. One could not just remove a brain and transplant it into another body. There was most probably no DNA from my old body in this new one. And from the sounds of the language being spoken around me, I wasn't even home in America. No, if I focused hard, the language sounded European. So unless reincarnation was actually a thing, and the Hinduists and Islamists actually had the right idea going, I was not reborn with my memories.

Then what the hell was I?

XxX

Death isn't an easy concept to accept. If close-death experiences could give soldiers PTSD, what would actual death do? Probably worse.

I could confirm, though, that death was horrible. I'd _died_ , for heaven's sake. I had watched as my blood flowed from my _skin pierced by white bone, pain racing up my torso, make it stop!_

I didn't remember my moments of hysterical fits often. No doubt, my caretakers thought I was an unusually feisty baby, crying about nothing after I'd been fed and had my diaper changed. They didn't know the havoc that swirled in my brain, because I'd died, and what was the point of my life? I'd survived high school and college until my junior year, and it was all for naught, because I'd _died_.

I didn't know how long it took for me to get my thoughts in order. I didn't know _how_ I got my thoughts in order. I just knew that, somehow, I'd shoved everything away, into a neat little box that I proceeded to chain and lock, so that I couldn't think about it again. I refused to open this box full of madness and despair, because I couldn't function if it wasn't all locked away.

XxX

The first person who really made an impression on me was a young boy with tanned skin and curious green eyes. I didn't know how long I'd been in my baby body, but a typical baby could recognize faces within their first four months, so it must have been around then.

(Then again, I wasn't really a typical baby, was I?)

The boy asked something, and a woman, perhaps his mother, answered. This brought a smile onto the boy's lips, and he held out a finger tauntingly towards my face. I scrunched my nose and swatted it away. I may have been a baby in body, but my mind was that of a twenty year old adult. I admit that twenty years wasn't enough for me to totally mature and become a responsible, productive member of society, but I was no child easily entertained.

The boy laughed and grabbed my hand gently, rubbing his coarser skin over my soft palm. He muttered again, and the woman hummed and answered gently.

Finally, the boy pointed at himself and he said, clearly and slowly, "Giorgio. Giorgio Fava."

I narrowed my eyes. This was obviously his name, and obligingly, I repeated, "Nonio Awa."

Okay. First thing was to recover fine motor skills as well as speech skills.

The boy laughed delightedly and he pointed to me. "Matteo Fava."

Ah. This boy was my brother then. What a curious name though, for a girl.

"Mato Awa."

The boy exclaimed, and with my limited French knowledge, I translated it to mean, "Good!" Romantic languages tended to share many trends and similar words. Wherever I was, it definitely wasn't France, and I didn't recognize the seductive trills of Spain either. Somewhere more Central Europe then. The only other conclusion I could draw was Italian. I most certainly was not an expert on languages, but I had the vague impression that I was in Italy.

I'd never taken Italian, and the limited knowledge extended to musical terms and pastas. If I wanted to interact with this world, I would have to learn Italian.

But why did I want to interact with this world? If this was all my imagination, then if I killed myself, would I wake up in my real body?

It was a morbid question and not one I wanted to consider at the moment. Never say I wasn't good at running away from my problems.

The woman spoke again, and the boy frowned but waved at me and chirped what I assumed a goodbye.

XxX

Learning a new language was another puzzle that kept me occupied for a while. Learning simple words was easy. It was making my mouth form the words, contorting my tongue and lips into the shape I wanted, that was hard.

A baby typically learned their language as they grew. They had a mental barrier that fell as the baby matured, and their fine motor skills would improve with practice as they babbled and screamed.

I had the added advantage that my mental barriers seemed to not exist at all, although I had the brain of a baby. This was something I simply could not understand or wrap my mind around. Babies just simply should not have been able to do what I was doing, understanding the world with such clarity. I was an abnormality.

To be honest, I scared myself sometimes, but my freakishness was usually all shoved into the box, kept under lock and key with the rest of my morbid thoughts (what were they again? I didn't remember, but I knew that if I opened it and examined everything again, I wouldn't survive).

Language somehow came easy to me. As people grew older, their ability to learn new languages decreased. This is what made a baby's ability to learn a new language remarkable. They grasped the concept of language within their first year of life and could string whole sentences together before they were two. It was a miracle that, with their limited capacity to understand the world around them, to intelligently discern what words meant what, they could learn a language.

I wondered if this was my baby brain working for me. In addition to my previous knowledge of French and my matured mind, my undeveloped brain was absorbing the language like a sponge. The fact that I was literally immersed in an Italian environment helped.

Italian came more easily than French had when I was learning the latter in school, and soon, I thought in a mix of Italian and English. It's funny, what growing up in a new environment, totally surrounded by a different culture, can do to a person.

Speaking was not as easy, but when I wasn't sleeping or eating, I'd quietly coo to myself, babble and exercise my muscles. I couldn't work too strenuously, since my body was still growing and developing and straining it would do no good, but I did what I could.

This took my mind off of that box in the back of my mind. I wasn't going to poke at it with a stick unless I was incredibly depressed or desperate, and as of yet, I wasn't. I needed distractions, something to keep that panic that always crept at the edge of my sanity away.

XxX

Some people wish for second chances, a second life. People need escapes, a place to run away from duty a little while. There were those who escaped from reality by running into a bottle, and there were those who play video games, for example. My escape, when being a music and psychology major as well as a pre-med became too much, was my imagination.

I always wanted a second chance, usually after failing a test. _I can do better_ , I used to think, _if I'd gone back in time. Maybe if I'd paid attention in class, maybe if I'd_ gone _to class, I could have done better._

I had this chance right in my fingers right now. This, whatever this was, was my second chance. But instead of elated like I thought I would have been, I was frightened and unnerved. This wasn't supposed to happen! Nothing like this was supposed to happen.

Before, my world had been logical, it followed the rules of physics, biology, and chemistry. Anything that could deal with _souls_ , so unscientific, such an irrational concept, was baffling. Things that would happen in fantasy or sci-fi novels just didn't happen in reality. But here I was, in this new world (most likely a construct of my mind).

I just…I couldn't get _over_ this concept. Was this all in my mind? If I killed myself, would I wake up? Because as much as I enjoyed the second chance, of taking it easy instead of all-nighters spent at the library, I knew it wasn't reality. What was I in this world? Who was I?

Months passed, slowly, as I pondered my existence. I'd never quite had an existential crisis before. This was a first for me.

If I died in this world like I did in my last world, would I wake up from a coma? If I killed myself, right now, brained myself on the edge of my crib, climbed the bars and fell to death on the cold floor, would I be returned to my normal, college life, with my parents beside me and friends to welcome me back? It would be so easy, to kill myself. A baby was fragile. One clumsy move, one knife in the wrong place or blunt object in another, and there would be one very dead sack of meat on the ground. Would I be reborn with my memories? Or would there just be an expanse of black, with no consciousness, extending beyond my vision? A wide gaping maw, vision gone as it swallowed my very existence, sweeping the last vestiges of life from my body, _cold terrifying empty abyss…!_

I tossed this into my box too.

XxX

While I was trapped in my own mind, practicing my speaking and moving my clumsy body parts with more accuracy and control, Giorgio visited me more often.

He was five years older than me, I found out. The lady that came with him sometimes was not, in fact, our mother but rather a maid. She occasionally took care of me. I could tell he'd grow into a handsome man. He loved me and as he spent more time with me, I felt more of a connection to him as well.

He was dangerous.

This dream, this coma-induced illusion that I was most probably in, I couldn't let it affect me. When I woke up, I'd lose everything here, everything in my dream, and I didn't want that. If there was one thing I was scared of, it was a loss of companionship and abandonment.

I'd always been a touchy-feely person. I bonded to others through skinship, by hugs and, as my friends sometimes affectionately called it, a leech-like clinging. I exasperated them when I latched onto their torsos and refused to let go. My personality was affectionate, and I demanded constant attention.

I was, essentially, a very selfish person. I kept my friends close and was scared of losing them. Loneliness was the bane of my existence.

So in this world, where I had no friends and nobody to love, Giorgio was a perfect candidate. But if I ever grew attached to him, I wouldn't want to let him go. And when I eventually woke up, I'd have to.

There was no way I was going to let any kind of attachment even form. So when he visited, I remained silent, gauging his personality, remaining to myself.

If he'd left it at that, I'd been fine. But he didn't. He was persistent, bringing toys and picture books (which I'd shown a preference for), reading them for me slowly and carefully. He was more of a caretaker than any of the maids in the house was.

I couldn't grow attached, but it was so, so hard not to. I was a person who kept several close friends and shied away from strangers. And in this world with nothing for me, he was there, ready to offer his companionship.

It was hard not to fall in love with him.

As I grew older and older, with my first, second, and third birthdays passing, I loved him. He was my older brother, the older brother I'd never had before. And here, I was stuck with a dilemma. To wake up and lose the closest person I'd ever grown to, the one person who cared for me more than any of my friends in my reality never had, or to go back to reality, which _I should have tried my hardest to do_ , because this wasn't my world, and I couldn't abandon my responsibilities in the real world forever.

He was my escape, and he represented so, so much. A distraction from that dark corner, a shining, gentle light that made the darkness creep away.

XxX

The day I found out about my switch in gender was a day that was, from an outsider's perspective, quite humorous. Even I found it amusing after I'd gotten over the shock.

See, I'd just thought that my parents had had a very humorous taste in naming me. After all, I'd had a female friend named Austin and a male friend named Taylor. Names that I used to think were gender exclusive weren't, so perhaps my parents had expected a boy and, when they received a girl, they were too lazy to think of a new name.

I'd been learning words while my brother was teaching me slowly, and he'd pointed to a picture of two children who were clearly related.

"Fratello," he jabbed at one brother and drew an imaginary line between the two characters. He then used the same hand to gesture towards me. "Fratello."

I'd nodded. I pointed to him and enunciated slowly, "Fratello."

He grinned and pointed to me. "You are my fratello. My little brother."

And I'd froze.

You see, I didn't have the bodily functions to control my bladder yet. My mental age was way higher than my physical age, and, to my supreme mortification, my control was still lacking. Thus, diapers. I didn't change my own diapers, so I'd never quite had a good look at downstairs before. I never needed to.

Before now.

"What," I deadpanned, staring into his bewildered eyes.

"You're my little brother," he said slowly. "Didn't you know?"

I nodded before I promptly freaked out.

I was a boy. _I was a boy._

What the hell.

Well, I mean, this was a rather pleasant surprise. I'd always been envious of the fact that males didn't have, er, menstrual cycles or have to bear babies. It wasn't something I was looking forwards to in my future. But, after twenty years of living in a female body, it was rather hard to grasp the concept that I was now a guy. Someone with a…a…

I couldn't even think the word in relation to me before I hit a mental block.

I had a (dare I say it) dick. I had a dick. A penis. A member. A thing sticking onto my crotch where there used to only be…well, nothing.

…huh.

Well, as surprising as this development was, I was the flexible sort. I could adapt. It could even be fun!

Let it be known that I had a somewhat perverted sense of humor. No, I was not ashamed.

XxX

And thus, my first years of my life passed like this.

Any dark, disturbing thoughts (of…what? I didn't remember anymore) were shoved into a box in the corner of my mind.

I applied everything I learned before I'd died to the life I was living now. It turned out that there was still plenty to learn, tons of new culture to absorb, and it was a wonderful experience, living in Italy.

My brother entertained me, and I fell into such a deep, all-encompassing love with him. He was my anchor, the one I'd grown closest to in this new world.

And memories of the past fading away, blown away by the wind, gently. Faces faded from my mind, and I began to forget what I used to look like. Asian, short, with glasses were all I remembered. I let my past go and looked forwards to the future.

Perhaps I could live like this. Perhaps I would grow to love this world.

XxX

 **A/N: So unlike Of Paper, Hair, and Gods and Tsuna's Fantastical Pokemon Adventure, I actually have a plotline planned for this fic! *gasps* But whether I have the patience to write it out is another thing entirely. However, I will endeavor to continue.**

 **Sincerely yours,**

 **haplessgrapefrut**


	2. I want someone by my side,

**A/N: I felt inspired last night. So here you go, the second chapter.**

 **In the first chapter, I had mentioned how Matteo hadn't been looking forwards to bearing a child. There was a guest comment on the first chapter addressing the fact that Matteo, in his previous life, felt that she had to bear children and mentioned that adoption, surrogacy, and not having a baby are all options as well. Well, I'm kind of writing on my behalf since this is a self-insert (meaning that the basis of this character is in fact built on my life, with wide deviations in personality later), but I myself want a child. I want to be able to bear a child, and since this character is essentially me, this character also wanted a child of her own. However, what I said in the last chapter was that the pain of childbirth was something that Matteo/I would not want to experience since I've heard so many horror stories about hormone changes and such, but I believe that it's a worthy exchange for bringing a life into the world. I understand that there are other options to having a birth child and that there's no obligation for any one woman to having one, but Matteo wanted one. He just wasn't looking forwards to the whole process in the future. There was another point that this review brought up: why having a dick and not minding be perverse? It mentioned that men and transgendered women do not find it so. Well, I didn't mean a perverted sense of humor to mean unusual, unnatural, or abnormal in any sense. Rather, I tried to make light of the situation that a gender swap would cause. I personally find it humorous that a character who had been a female all her life suddenly became a guy without warning, and the fact that she could find it fun and interesting is different than anothers' reactions, who might freak out and try to deny the sex change. That's all I meant by the "perverted sense of humor" comment. I don't think that having a penis is in any way perverse or unusual, since half of this world is male. This is a point of humor and something I mean to exploit to lift the mood of this fic a bit. I didn't mean to make anything sound odd or unfair, nor do I mean to offend anyone. I'm simply writing this as an experiment and for fun. If I do offend anyone, I'm sorry.**

 **Please, if you have any more concerns about this fic, review so that I may respond to you directly and not in an author's note since I can't respond to a guest reviewer. I'd love to have a discussion about anything related to this fic with you, but the author's notes section is not the best place to do so, I think.**

 **Anyways, please enjoy and review!**

XxX

Giorgio Fava was my lifeline. The protective older brother I never had, the gentle presence that I could confess anything to. My parents (of my past life, of course, because I just knew that here, I had no mother, and my father was always busy, busy, busy) were loving, of course, but like many parents, wanted the best for me. Breaching that boundary of expectations was hard, and I'd never really had a close family figure.

I could ask Giorgio anything, tell him anything, show him anything. He entertained me, brought me to his tutoring sessions (which was how I found out that, while not filthy rich, we were relatively well of financially) and to his swords practices. Hah, who practiced swordplay in this day and age? Apparently my brother. It was humorous and endearing.

When asked what I would want to learn for a weapon, my first response was a dual swords. After all, it wasn't like I'd be killing anyone, and learning how to wield a sword was just a hobby of my brother's. Dual swords were so cool. If not dual swords, then maybe dual pistols? A greatsword! A lance? I laughed as I contemplated with my brother, who snickered as he heard some of my more absurd choices.

This probably wasn't a really serious question and wouldn't factor largely into my life.

(How naïve I was.)

Finally, I asked, "Why learn a weapon? I want to learn the piano."

And right then, right there, was the first hint that the world I was living in was not the same normal, comfortable life I lived as a college student.

Something flickered over his eyes, and his entire face darkened. His eyebrows pulled downwards before clearing quickly.

"Sure, you can learn the piano!" he replied cheerfully. I didn't notice that he hadn't said anything about not learning a weapon.

The next day, a magnificent baby grand appeared in our wing of the house, and delightedly, I ran up to the instrument, lifted the covers, and ran my fingers across the ivory keys.

I sat at the bench, legs too short to reach the floor and fingers too weak and clumsy to play running scales, but the pure, clear notes that drifted from the piano brought on a wave of nostalgia.

I _would_ relearn the piano. It had been so important in my past life, how could I not play it here?

And thus I passed my days peacefully. Giorgio would practice his swordsmanship and I would practice the piano. We would spend our time together, laughing and talking.

XxX

The thing is, people grow up. It's an inevitable part of life. Personalities shift, a result of hormones as the body underwent change. I wasn't particularly surprised when my brother started spending less and less time with me, but it still hurt. I was left more and more lonely, with books and my piano to occupy my time.

Instead of seeing Giorgio constantly throughout my day, his visits decreased to only one or two a day, and unless I actively sought him out (something I didn't do often, because insecurity had always been one of my faults, and if he didn't want to spend time with me, why impose myself on him?), he didn't see me as often.

Other responsibilities, I reasoned. He was twelve, and I was seven. Homework, training, studies, they all occupied his time more and more. I sometimes saw unfamiliar faces wandering around, faces that never had appeared before. Something was up.

There were things not hard to notice. Perhaps if the age I was physically was actually my mental age, I would have chalked everything up to the simple life process of growing up. But I was not.

It concerned me that, whenever I saw him, Giorgio had more and more bruises, and he walked more gingerly than before. He told me that father was calling upon him more and more often, asking about his training and studies. More and more pressure was put on him, and he seemed to be crumbling under it. As a former pre-med student and double major, pressure was not unfamiliar to me. However, as a twelve year old boy, well, it made me wonder what, exactly, was so important that Giorgio was slowly wilting away from it all.

"Brother," I said, touched a small hand to his tanned arm covered in bruises. He winced and shifted it away subtly. It was one of the rare days that we had to ourselves. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine, little brother," he answered, ruffling my hair. I huffed and brushed the dark brown strands out of my eyes. I was due for a haircut, but I wanted for my hair to grow out longer. My hair had always been long when I'd been a girl, straight and highlighted a dark red. Perhaps I wouldn't be dying my hair in this life, but having air against the back of my neck was unusual and uncomfortable.

"You're not," I insisted after the momentary distraction. I narrowed my eyes and poked him harshly directly on a bruise. Okay, I also had a slight sadistic streak, so sue me. "Father has been asking about you so often, and you've been studying and training so hard lately. What's going on? Is something going to happen?"

He turned his head slightly so the sun shadowed his face and I couldn't see his expression clearly.

"Nothing you have to worry about," he replied before reaching out and, despite his injuries, pulled me onto his lap and laid his chin atop my head.

I closed my eyes, accepting for now. He was my precious person in this world. I would protect him because, despite all appearances, I really was the older one. I could shoulder the mental responsibility.

As I lazed in the warm sunlight and started dozing off, I heard, half-asleep, a whisper.

"I'll keep you away from them, little brother. I'll succeed, so you don't have to."

XxX

My first fight with Giorgio happened not long after. I shouldn't have been surprised. The rift between us, no matter how shallow, was deepening and growing, born from our time apart.

I'd asked him, once, why he trained so hard. What was he doing this for? To me, who had only occasionally run or biked as exercise, this was ludicrous. What danger was there, in this world, that would threaten my brother? We seemed like an ordinary, if not somewhat kind of very rich, family, with the stereotypical absent other and the Grade A+ parenting that came from our father. I knew that he was shouldering some kind of responsibility, but what exactly would cause a mere child, not even in his teen years yet, to work so hard?

I hadn't been going to his practices much anymore, but one day, he invited me.

"You'll see why I'm training so hard," he said, winking as he led me to the training room for the first time in a very long time.

The training was brutal, harsher than it used to be. Before, the instructor had always been careful to not push my brother past his limit, to pace the training carefully. Now however, it wasn't hard to see where all of the bruises came from. Even a practice sword could produce dark blue welts and pound my brother into the ground.

But this wasn't what my brother wanted me to see.

Midway through the practice, the doors to the training room opened, and in walked a rather handsome man with dark hair and sharp brown eyes, dressed in an impeccably pressed suit and flanked by bodyguards. I could appreciate the sight as a former female, but what I witnessed after soon erased all admiration of physical attributes with an uneasy, suspicious feeling.

"Ah, Giorgio, hard at training again, I see," the man greeted, smirking.

Giorgio's eyes immediately were drawn towards him. He smiled superficially and nodded deferentially.

"Enrico," he bowed. Sweating and tired, I watched as my brother respectfully catered to this man, this Enrico. Was this what my brother wanted to see? He was training for this guy I'd never seen before? It was strange. Why would my brother need to do something like that?

"I'm glad you're training. Can't guard me if you aren't strong, right?" Enrico asked happily, clapping a hand onto Giorgio's sweating shoulder. My brother winced but let out a strained laugh.

"Of course. Only the best for the Vongola heir," Giorgio responded.

At that moment, several pieces clicked together.

Giorgio was training to protect this Enrico. Enrico was the heir to something important, something that needed constant guarding. So this is what Giorgio was doing?

"And who's this?"

I looked up, startled as a shadow fell over my smaller frame. A hand was held out to me, and I automatically grasped it.

"My brother. Matteo, say hello," Giorgio commanded, his brotherly presence gone to be replaced with a blank mask. He nodded at me and jerked his head subtly to the other man.

"Hello, Enrico. My name is Matteo Fava, Giorgio's younger brother," I introduced myself.

Enrico hummed, good humor in his eyes. This man wasn't a bad person per se, but dangerous. His face was lined with sharp intelligence and a commanding aura, a natural born leader.

"Well, it's good to meet you, Matteo," the Vongola heir greeted and knelt down to take my hand in his, shaking it gently. "It's good to see that Giorgio has good company. He's always so obsessed with training these days, you know? Distract him sometimes, it's not so good to be serious all the time."

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, withdrawing my hand.

The man stood and nodded his head towards my older brother.

"I'll see you again later. You'll officially be guarding me in a year, yes?"

"Yes, sir," Giorgio responded.

Enrico hummed before nodding.

"It's a large responsibility, but I have faith in your family and you," the heir said before departing. "I'll see you later!"

The large doors to the training room swung shut, and I was left with questions answered and more questions in their place.

XxX

"Brother."

Giorgio grunted in acknowledgement as he rolled over onto his side lazily. We were sprawled in my bed. I held a book in front of me as he attempted to doze off. Another lazy day, becoming rarer and rarer. This day, I resolved to get some answers.

"Giorgio," I said, calling his attention with my use of his name. "Enrico, he's the heir to something, right? Can you…please, you've been really busy lately. I just want to know. I'm…" I mulled over my words. I'd never been eloquent with speeches but rather with writing. I wrote in my free time and bantered better with written words rather than vocal ones. But here, I couldn't run behind an electronic screen. "I need to know why you've been training so hard. Why you? Who is he exactly?"

There was an exhale before Giorgio turned and looked me in the eye. His eyes were serious, green and solemn.

"…I'm going to tell you a story."

I sighed and scooted upwards until my back rested against the headboard. "All right then."

"Once upon a time, there was a small town. Crime ran rampant in this town, and poverty was everywhere you could see. The strong stole from the weak, and the corrupt carelessly squandered the townspeople's money. It was in this small town that a vigilante group was born.

"It was formed by a group of misfits, to be honest. The leader was a carefree young man, but very strong of heart. His right hand man was his best friend since childhood, impulsive and easily angered but loyal to a fault. Then there was a carefree musician, friendly and easy going but valuing friendship above all else. There was a spoiled son of a Lord, careless and lazy but determined when need be. A priest had also joined the group, a former boxer who turned his passion to helping others. And to add to the interesting group, there was a head a secret intelligence agency, a lone wolf who nonetheless ferociously protected his comrades. Finally, there was an aristocrat, ruthless and merciless to his enemies to build this vigilante group up with strength.

"And yet, despite their differences, they were loyal to each other and always came to each other's aid. And the leader was always protected by his comrades. However, they could not always be by their leader's side, and if the leader fell, the bonds between each other would surely dissolve as well. So they entrusted another man with a duty to always remain by the leader's side and protect him with his own life."

He paused for a while, scanning my face to see if I'd understood. I had a feeling I knew where this was going, but I swallowed harshly and nodded for him to continue.

"This vigilante group successfully defended their land, helping the impoverished and punishing the corrupt. They named themselves the Vongola. For generations, they protected their territory. However, when the first generation passed, changes were made. Sometimes the leader was kind and gentle, but sometimes they were cruel and hard. But whatever they did, there were always the guardians who carried out the leader's orders and the guard. And soon, the Vongola rose in both reputation and infamy. They grew and expanded into what is now one of the biggest mafia families in the world.

"And to this day, there is the leader of the Vongola, his Guardians, and his Paladin."

And it all came together.

"The Vongola, that's Enrico. And you're the Paladin. We're the family that protects the Vongola," I whispered in a shaky voice, raising my terrified eyes to meet his. He nodded gravely. "The Vongola is part of the _mafia_ , you're supposed to guard him with your life! Enrico, you can't do this, do you know how dangerous this is?! He can hire tons of bodyguards, why do you have to-"

"Matteo," he interrupted, laying a hand on mine. I clenched his hand convulsively. I shouldn't let him go, I couldn't. Even in this world, this afterlife of mine, he had become someone I loved dearly. I _wouldn't_ let him go. "Matteo, please, I'm doing this for you."

"For _me_? Why?! I don't need you to do anything like this for me, I don't care about them! They can burn for all I care, but you, I care about you, brother, don't do this!"

"It's my _duty_ , Matteo!" he exclaimed, sitting up and leaning forwards, fire burning in his eyes. "I don't want to do this either, but if it's not me, it's you, and in this world, family and tradition is forever. Instead of me, you'd be out there, training until your hands bled and studying until you couldn't cram anything else into your head!"

"I can take it!" _I'm twenty-seven, you moron. I'm more mature than you, let_ me _take care of this._ "This is so stupid, get the Vongola to take someone else!"

"I _can't_ , what can't you understand about this?" he yelled at me, and I recoiled. He breathed heavily. "Matteo, listen to me. I'll train as hard as I can and protect Enrico. He's not a bad person, couldn't you tell? I wouldn't mind protecting him, and if I can do that successfully, you'll never have to be involved with the mafia world. I'll be protecting the both of you. So please, let this go."

I clutched at the sheets below me and lowered my head. Of all the irresponsible, over protective, moronic Neanderthals that I had to be brothers with, of course I'd be brothers with this one.

"Fine," I breathed, but I raised my head defiantly. "Fine, but I'll train with you."

"What…!"

"I'll train with you," I continued relentlessly. "I'll help you grow stronger, because even the greatest men fall sometimes, and when you do, I'll help you too. Being brothers isn't a one way street, you know."

He gaped at me, and I smirked smugly before picking my book back up.

"But you don't even have to!"

"Doesn't matter. I want to."

There was a huff before Giorgio fell backwards onto the bed. "…fine. Do whatever you want."

I hummed in agreement. If Giorgio was determined to protect me, then I'd help protect him too. And getting stronger was my first priority if I was going to help him protect the Vongola heir.

XxX

"Again! Archery is not only about precision and aim but also of mental fortitude! If your heart is not calm and your mind clear, you will miss your target, and even a millimeter may be the difference between life and death."

I obediently breathed out, centering my mind. There was only one more month before my brother would leave me to guard Enrico, and I'd be sent to a school to continue my studies. There, I was determined to gain allies and friends, to make connections. As a pre-med it'd been important, but here, in a world of the mafia, it'd be crucial. But first, I had to have talent and grow stronger to do so, and once I had connections, I'd have power to help Giorgio protect the Vongola.

I closed my eyes, feeling the string of the bow cutting into my fingers and the weight of the arrow, centered and ready. Three…two…one…

"Release!"

I let go of the arrow and watched in distaste when it landed several centimeters off of the center of the target.

"Better, but still lacking. That will be all for today," my instructor said before beginning to collect his equipment. I nodded as I gather my things as well.

"Thank you for the lesson," I bade farewell before leaving the training room. As I carried the equipment in slightly shaking arms, my brother emerged from his own training room, bathed in sweat. He grinned weakly at me, clearly exhausted.

"Hey, little brother. How's training going?"

"Good, you?" I answered as we meandered back to our wing.

He hummed in answer. We walked in companionable silence, but as we were about to split to return to our separate rooms (and showers, thank _god_ ), he broke the silence.

"Father requested a meeting with me today. Tonight, actually."

I paused and furrowed my brows.

"Father? That guy who's supposed to be involved in our lives but actually isn't? That guy?" I asked jokingly as I shifted my weight.

"Yeah, that guy," Giorgio huffed. "I get to see him in the first time in forever, but it's probably going to be about being the Paladin and all, you know?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I paused, not quite sure what he was trying to say to me.

He closed his eyes and breathed out, long and slow. When he opened them, his green eyes held yearning and regret, sadness yet strength.

"I probably won't be seeing you much anymore. I just wanted to say, if I forget sometime this month, that…well, I'm glad you're my little brother. I love you, Matteo. And I'll do everything I can to protect you, alright? You'll always rank higher than anyone else in my life," he said, reaching forward and cupping my cheek with his hands. They were warm and clammy from gripping the sword, but I understood through that sibling bond I'd never had before.

I smiled cheekily even as I laid my own hand over his. "If you forget to say something so simple to me in the next month, I'm going to kick your ass. Better reserve a day before you leave especially for me before you leave to live in the big bad mansion, you hear me?"

He chuckled and pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. "Yeah, I hear you."

He released me and walked towards his room, and I folded my arms and shook my head exasperatedly.

Honestly. Like he would forget to say bye to me or something. How silly.

XxX

The last month rushed by in a whirl. I threw myself into my studies and training, playing the piano when I felt lonely and composing notes onto a page. I practiced everything, from the strength of my fingers as I gripped the bow to the strength of my mind as I learned all I could about the mafia world before I was thrown into a school.

And finally, the last week arrived, several days before Giorgio left to permanently serve in the Vongola mansion.

I waited as my brother rushed by me, learning tactics and guarding positions, practicing how predict bullet trajectories and identify suspicious people. I waited for a free day, a day he would spend especially with me, a day I could bask in this person who was my anchor in the new world.

It turned out, that day never came.

As he turned to leave, I grasped his wrist, right above a black bracelet that he'd never taken off after that meeting with our father. _A signal of loyalty to the Vongola family_ , he'd explained quickly when I asked before rushing to meet with Enrico.

"Giorgio. I…" I began before I got a good look at his face.

It was hardened, serious and cutting when he swept his eyes over mine. He raised an eyebrow and tugged at his wrist.

"No, Matteo, I've really got to go. I'll see you sometime, alright?" he muttered distractedly.

"Giorgio!"

He turned his head to Enrico, and his whole face lit up, like a sun hiding behind clouds. I flinched at the drastic change. Why…had we grown apart so easily within a month? Only thirty days?

"I'll see you, Matteo," he said before rushing away, smiling and laughing as he greeted his new boss, the man he would be guarding for the rest of his life.

"…see you, brother," I whispered.

Alone again. Just like after I was born, thrust into a cold, bright world, I was alone. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists.

Alone.

XxX

I started school the next week, without the reassuring presence of my brother beside me. My heart beat crazily as I glanced around at those who had already gotten to know each other, and I felt those nerves from a previous life emerge again. That tentativeness as I met my new dorm mates, hoping that they would like me and we could be friends. That insecurity as my unfamiliarity with others got in the way of my awkward interactions with others.

But then I remembered that during college, I had made some of the best friends I'd ever made before. Men and women who would stay by my side for the next three years, and some even longer.

I raised my head and looked forwards.

Perhaps my older brother was gone, but I was a new person, no longer that eighteen year old girl beginning her first college experience. Here, I was eight, with an additional twenty years of experience under my belt and a maturity that could give these kids a run for their money. If I couldn't secure friends and allies here, then I was a failure.

I strode forwards and promptly got lost on the way to my classroom.

XxX

 **Sincerely yours,**

 **haplessgrapefrut**


	3. But the world keeps spinning,

**A/N: Here's the next update! I just wanted to put a little disclaimer here and say that I know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the school system of either Japan or Italy, nor do I know anything about weapons. Thus, any factual errors you want to point out, I'll happily accept them, but please suspend your belief for a moment on how I've decided to portray Matteo's weapon. There's a reason (but it's rather whimsical, and for my own personal entertainment) that you may discover later.**

 **On with the story!**

XxX

School was, in all, uneventful in terms of classes. I knew nearly everything about math and science and merely had to brush up on past concepts. I knew nothing about history (it was always my worst subject), so that was something I had to actually pay attention to. We had gym class, which was really just a euphemism for a 'let's-train-students-with-lethal-weapons' class. After all, we _were_ all mafia kids.

A school for mafia children. I snorted as I sipped a juice box, leaning on an arm and watching as factions formed within a classroom full of eight year olds (really, too young to understand politics), boys and girls growling at each other and learning to manipulate. After all, what better place to learn the harsh realities of betrayal and vigilance than in a school full of children learning to con and kill?

I sighed. Of course, I was expected to get along with the kids related to the Vongola and stay wary of those who didn't support the Vongola's regime, but really. I found that, even if I had a resolve to make friends and allies, it was pitiable to manipulate mere kids, and their mental levels, no matter how high due to their upbringing, were still well below mine. I felt kind of like a despicable human being for twisting children around for my own personal agenda.

Thus, here I was, sitting apart from the rest of the children, watching as mere eight year olds attempted to seize power in a classroom.

It was boring and frustrating. I thought that the obstacle to making friends would be my awkwardness and sheer inability to socialize, not my inability to empathize with them. I was really bad with talking to younger kids back in my past life, but here? Here, it was worse.

Someone sat next to me, and I tilted my head to catch a glimpse of sharp, bored eyes and…gray hair? What?

"They're so naïve, aren't they? Brats who don't understand our world."

I blinked in surprise and fully turned to examine this newcomer.

His smirk was razor sharp and analytical as he carelessly glanced at the children around us. His eyes met mine, and his smirk widened.

"You, though. You get it, don't you?"

And perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't. I understood what the mafia was. However, I was sheltered, somewhat naïve, to be honest, about what exactly happened in the mafia world. I understood betrayal and murder, of secrecy and loyalty, but never before had I witnessed the darkness first hand. The closest had been with Enrico.

But I was more mature than many of my peers. I could grasp the concept of murder, of being killed silently in the night or dying within a hail of bullets. That small box, the thing that I'd nearly forgotten about as I grew older, chained and forgotten in the corner of my mind, rattled at the thought of death, but I brushed it aside. Perhaps I was more familiar with the concept of death than I thought I was.

"I wouldn't say I get it, but I think I understand better than they do," I replied, jerking my head towards the kids. Because indeed, I did understand the implications, the darkness that crept at the edges of our world. Power struggles, underhanded dealings, loyalty to those with money rather than blood…I did understand the dangers.

The other boy hummed before sticking out a hand. "Glad there's someone with a bit of sense around here. Superbi Squalo."

I took his hand and shook it firmly, slightly amused by the serious way this kid held himself with. First impressions were everything, and if I needed connections, well, here was my first one, offered on a silver plate.

"Matteo Fava. Nice to meet you."

XxX

It turned out that with Superbi Squalo came a Dino (again, no last name, what the hell was up with these people). Dino said that he was the heir to the Chiavarone famiglia, though, so I guess if he needed a last name, Chiavarone would be it.

Dino was a cheerful character, clumsy but energetic. He cried easily but bounced up afterwards like nothing happened. The only time he could overcome his klutzy nature was when a subordinate was around, which I thought was incredibly adorable. Superbi, on the other hand, sneered and postured, with death threats always on the tip of his tongue and violence at the edge of his fingertips. But despite whatever burdens these two held on their shoulders, it didn't change the fact that they were children. They could grow up to be scary bastards, but right now, they were just stretching their claws. It was fun, watching them and hanging around with them.

And then there was me. I'd made two connections, one an heir to a relatively influential famiglia and the other a rising swordsman. The more level-headed of the group, I frequently soothed over ruffled feathers when the two idiots accidentally trod on other mafia kids' feet. Well, mostly when Superbi deliberately stomped on their feet, because Dino was more friendly, but Superbi was most definitely not.

"I'm going to become the strongest swordsman in the world," Superbi announced one day as I leaned against a tree, a book on the various famiglias of the mafia world propped on my knees, and Dino munched on his lunch.

"I think you can do it!" Dino chirped cheerfully, mouth full of food, and I rolled my eyes fondly, covering the disgusting display with my hand.

"Dino, cover your mouth. That's disgusting," I chided.

"I don't need your input, idiot," Superbi sneered alongside.

I chuckled as I turned a page. "Well, you've got a long way to go, you know?" I asked lightly.

"Of course I do, but one day I'll stand on top of this world, and you scum will all be bowing to me!" Superbi laughed uproariously, and I sighed.

"Yes we will," I placated. Distantly, I heard the bell ring. Closing my book and packing away my own finished lunch, I tugged on the clumsy Dino's arm. "Come on, we'll be late for PE if we don't go and change now. Get up, Dino."

The blond whined before getting up, stuffing the last of his food into his mouth before throwing out the trash. Superbi rolled his eyes exasperatedly and led the way to the gym.

This class was perhaps one of my favorite classes. Here, I could practice my archery against others. True, we weren't allowed to use any actual weapons, but with padded arrows and wooden swords, we could simulate battle that was so common in this world.

(Which brought up the question, since when were bows and arrows and swords weapons still used in this day and age? What was I in, some fantasy novel? Nonetheless, I'd accepted it, because I'd accepted long ago that this world was _weird_ , and sometimes logic just did not follow the actions in this world. For example, _flames_. What the hell were they? How did they manifest?)

Today, my partner was Dino, who swung his whip carelessly before accidentally whipping himself in the face. I winced in sympathy.

"Dino, um, instead of practicing against each other, do you just want to do it against some targets?" I asked tentatively. I didn't want one of my new friends injuring himself, after all.

"That'd be great!" he replied before promptly tripping over nothing.

I sighed, hauled him up by his arms, and marched him to the other side of the training field, where several dummies were set up. The clicks of air guns echoed around us as we found a pair of dummies by each other. He coiled his whip in one hand, and his playful demeanor melted to a more serious one. Didn't help though, when he let go of the whip and the whole thing went flying off into the bushes.

He seriously needed another tutor if he wanted to become a respectable boss. I could see the potential, his determination and resolve, but…well, his skills just didn't match it.

I shook all thoughts out of my head, and a calm fell over my mind. I eyed the target before lifting and drawing the bow. Everything narrowed to that one target, and my senses became more aware. I could hear the clicks of guns, the clash of wooden swords, the rustling of the grass. I could see the twitches of some squirrel behind the target, the holes in the target, the contrast between the red and white circles. I could feel the air moving, the string digging into my fingers, the steadiness of my arms.

I let out my breath and released, and the arrow found itself home in the center of the target. I grinned.

"Nice shooting," Dino complimented.

"Thanks."

But the world wouldn't be standing around, waiting for me to shoot my arrow in a real battle. I would have to think on my feet, be quick and accurate. This wouldn't do at all.

At the end of gym, I returned to see several students beaten black and blue and a triumphant, mocking Superbi strutting cockily towards us. My lips quirked in amusement, and I shook my head in exasperation.

"Really, Superbi?"

He laughed loudly in response, and I exchanged a glance with Dino before we headed inside for our next class. Regardless, I swung an arm around the swordsman's shoulders and tugged him towards me, ruffling his shortly spiked hair. He squawked in indignation, and I laughed.

XxX

School life passed leisurely. I'd gotten familiar with many of my classmates, known as 'that guy who keeps Superbi from killing us all'. I could accept that title, I guess.

Dino, ever popular with the girls, was always on the receiving end of my teasing. So was Superbi, for that matter.

"So, no girlfriend yet?" I asked the swordsman once, and the color he turned was quite interesting. A mixture of pink and puce. I cast my eyes around for a girl and nudged him gently in the side and whispered close to his ear, "How about her, hm? She's kind of cute."

He sputtered, and I dodged his elbow jab agilely. The girl eyed us weirdly before sniffing and walking away as I laughed.

"Maybe you're just not interested in girls. What about guys, hm? What about _me_?" I asked, sidling up to him and sliding my arm around his waist. He shrieked and quickly retreated a safe distance from me as I watched smugly.

"Voi! How about I'm _just not interested_?" he asked angrily, putting a hand around his sword that hung at his side (why the teachers allowed him to carry a lethal weapon around in the first place, I would never understand).

I shrugged. "But I'm a nice catch, don't you think?"

And indeed, if I had propositioned my past life, boy, would that college girl have been flustered. I thought I was rather good looking, not to be vain. But then again, so were Superbi and Dino, so I guess beauty was more the norm rather than the exception around here.

"I don't care, I never noticed," Superbi waved dismissively, and I pouted at his back before following. However, when I caught sight of Dino, my mouth formed a grin worthy to grace Superbi's face and immediately got within the blond's personal space.

"Hey, Dino, would _you_ be my boyfriend?" I leered. Because Dino was still a guy, and at heart, I was still a girl, and well, someone like Dino could be admired you know? No matter they were twelve, I could see the potential. These two would become _hot_. Very attractive. And hey, no matter the gender, I could always admire them.

"Nope! I like girls! Sorry," Dino said back cheerfully, and I drooped. "But I'm flattered you'd consider me!" he quickly placated.

Superbi sighed at my antics.

Because despite all the joking, I had been having somewhat of a sexual crisis. I'd liked boys, always liked boys, and would probably forever like boys. I was born with a female mind, and no matter how male my body was, I was still a woman at heart. However, here I was, a guy. Was I supposed to be liking girls now? Was that a thing I was supposed to be doing?

And I glanced at Superbi, who, even though took me as a joke, hadn't mocked me for being a guy when I suggested a relationship, and I glanced at Dino, who had merely paused at my proposition before moving on smoothly. I guess it didn't really matter here. Homosexuality or heterosexuality didn't really determine the person in this world, one's characteristics did. At the end of the day, it wasn't my sexual orientation that would keep me alive but rather my own skills. And if they didn't care, then I probably shouldn't have cared either.

A grin tugged at my lips as I eyed the backs of my friends. I'd like who I liked, and I'd admire whoever the hell I wanted. If that was enough for them, then that was enough for me.

XxX

Where life outside of my home was relaxing, however, life inside…well, was lonely.

Giorgio didn't visit often. In fact, with the year that had passed, I'd seen him twice, and both times only glimpses. I understood that he had responsibilities, that he had a duty not only to me anymore, but also to keeping another human alive. But he'd said…

He'd said that his loyalty would be to me first and the Vongola second.

He'd said, but clearly, this didn't hold true anymore.

I closed my eyes as I finished my math homework and leaned back in my chair. My brother's presence had become as scarce as my father's, and that said something. My father, who'd I'd only seen at large events, had seen my big brother more than I had.

My fingers crept towards my cellphone, and I picked it up, scrolling down the list of contacts.

I could call him, couldn't I? Even though he didn't really bother keeping up with me, I could still try to contact him too. A relationship didn't work on only one end, after all, and if it failed, it was both parties' faults.

I quickly found his number and dialed it, waiting impatiently at the dial tone.

 _"Matteo? What's wrong?_ "

I grinned helplessly.

"Hey, brother. I just wanted to check up on you, you know? Haven't seen or talked to you lately. How are you?"

 _"Busy…hey, this isn't the best time. Can I call you back?"_

I paused. I wanted to say, _No, you can't call me back, because if you hang up now, you won't contact me again. You've ignored me these past couple of years. How can I trust you to call me back?_

"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. But don't work too hard, okay? Call me sometime."

 _"I got you, Matteo. I'll be sure to call back."_

"And brother…"

There was a _click_.

"…I miss you," I whispered into the empty room and the dead call.

Giorgio clearly didn't want to involve me in anything anymore. He barely spoke to me. It was such a drastic change, so sudden, but it was his decision. If he didn't want to talk to me, then I wouldn't impose on him.

I closed my eyes as his absence grew. A tear slipped down my cheek. Because no matter how many friends I made, nothing could replace my first anchor of sanity.

He didn't call me back, either.

XxX

Superbi and Dino were my closest friends, no doubt about it, but when even they started drifting from me, it was hard to let go.

Dino, in his ever growing popularity for his looks and endearing clumsiness, was drawn to other people, other mafia kids (but no longer really small kids, all now around thirteen years old and growing older). He was receiving tutoring from someone, a man called Reborn, the strongest hitman in the world. I'd scoffed at first upon hearing the title, but when I'd finally met the little baby, cursed as an Arcobaleno, I'd understood. Underneath all the baby fat, I saw a hit of ruthlessness, a haunting pain and hurt that couldn't be erased. There was a cloak of danger around him.

Superbi, on the other hand, became friends ( _"We're not friends, dammit!"_ ) with an upperclassman named Xanxus (again, no last name). Well, more like Superbi stuck to the irritable fifteen year old like a leech and refused to let go. I'd laughed when I saw the image of Xanxus shouting at the gray haired boy ( _"Voi, it's silver hair! Silver!"_ ), but later, when left with only books for company, I no longer laughed.

Times change. It was a rule I accepted, but sometimes, as I watched Dino leave school earlier and earlier and Superbi become more involved with Xanxus and his group of misfits, I didn't like change.

Change took Giorgio away. Change would also take Superbi and Dino away.

I laughed self-deprecatingly. Really, what was it with me and people leaving me? I'd never been a particularly self-assured person in my previous life, but in this life, I thought I'd be better. I'd thought I could make those few precious friends, those who knew me inside and out, like I had at college. But this world was clearly different. People had obligations, and getting stronger took precedent over making friends. Friends weren't really friends but allies, and all allies were were connections. Debts were sacred and priceless, and being in one's debt made a person weak.

I couldn't apply the rules of friendship and bonds from my previous life to this one. Everything was too _different_. No, I'd have to change my mindset. I couldn't become dependent on others, because look at how I'd become dependent on Giorgio, Superbi, and Dino, and look at how easily they left me. I was the only one who got attached, while they drifted away so carelessly and freely. Here, they had obligations other than their friends and their studies. They had obligations to their famiglia and their allies.

I had to make _allies_ , connections to help my brother and the Vongola. I had to become strong in my own right before using it to help others. I couldn't be soft, be weak, be insecure, not here, not in this world. _Naive_ , I berated myself. My previous life had only made me naïve.

I carefully tucked my yearning for friendship, for a close relationship to another person away into a box. I steeled my heart and shook my head to clear away the last vestiges of need from my mind. I wouldn't be merciless, and I wouldn't be cruel, but I'd be pragmatic, clear in mind and heart. I had goals, and I couldn't forget them.

I tucked little corners into a box, a small white one that marked my need for companionship and innocence, and I tucked that box away into the darker, chained and locked one that I hadn't touched in so many years. I carefully placed it inside and quickly locked it under key again.

This, I could do.

XxX

 **A/N: Please review!**

 **Sincerely yours,**

 **haplessgrapefrut**


	4. Carrying on without me,

**A/N: So I'm watching Free! right now, and I might have a slight (very fucking big) obsession with their eye colors because holy shit every single one of the characters has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Like, I don't know if this is weird (it's definitely weird), but they're all so _pretty_. And those muscles...why can't they make guys with beautiful rainbow eye colors in real life? *sigh* I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to describe people a lot by their eyes. Like, windows to the soul and all that.**

 **Anyways, please enjoy and review!**

XxX

I no longer made true friends. Instead, I made allies. I laughed with them and joked with them, shared secrets that weren't important and received information in return. I became popular, but never had I made another true friend.

No, I hadn't made another actual friend, but somehow, along the way, I'd gained myself a puppy.

My school naturally was very well off financially. With so many mafia families connected to it, there was a lot of trust and care given to the school to keep children safe. This also meant that there were very large donations made every year. If there was one thing I was thankful for for being born into a mafia family, it was this.

Our school had beautiful practice rooms. Of course, I'd practice on the baby grand at home, but sometimes, I'd imagine Giorgio sitting beside me, engrossed in watching my fingers fly across the keyboard, and I couldn't bear it. So I escaped to the practice rooms on campus.

There were often other students as well. I often saw another kid, around four years younger than me, practicing in a room. He had silver hair (not gray, unlike Superbi's, which I would have teased him about if he weren't hanging around Xanxus every day now) and green eyes, and whenever we bumped into each other, he'd nod to me and I'd nod to him before we went our separate ways. There were also others who played so many other instruments. Sometimes, I collaborated with them. If they needed an accompanist, I'd help out, and if I'd composed a piece that needed a violinist, I'd grab one. It was one of the perks of being well known, I supposed, popular but close to no one.

Then, one day, I'd found the most adorable boy.

Like I mentioned before, I'd never been good with kids. Kids were horrible to get along with, so hard to connect with. This one, though, was, simply put, the cutest boy I'd ever met.

I'd been walking towards a practice room when, from around a corner, a red-haired boy sped across my path and painfully collided with my legs. I hissed at the collision but steadied the boy easily.

"Hey, pay attention to your surroundings!" I'd admonished before I glanced down at baby cheeks, vibrant red hair, and puppy brown eyes. My nonexistent ovaries might have just melted right then and there.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Antonio, say sorry!" a woman who was clearly chasing the boy scolded, and I immediately waved my hands.

"Oh, no, no, it's no problem at all! I was just a bit surprised," I replied, smiling before kneeling at the small boy who was sniffling. "Hey, my name's Matteo. Antonio, right?"

The little boy looked up with watery eyes, and I swear, they were the most adorable things I'd ever seen. Oh my god, this boy was going to be a _lady killer_ when he grew up. He nodded, and I chuckled softly before ruffling his hair gently. The red strands were pretty soft.

"You've got to be more careful next time. What if I'd been an old lady, hm? You would have hurt me. Don't run in the halls next time, okay?" I asked before glancing up at the woman. "I'm fine, so it's no real worry."

The woman sighed in relief. "That's good. I'm only bringing him here because…" she trailed off before shaking her head. "Well, I won't bore you with the details. My name is Carina Crespo, please call me Carina."

"It is nice to meet you, Carina," I greeted, taking her hand and shaking it. "Is Antonio thinking of coming here?"

"Yes, but he doesn't seem to like it much," she replied glancing down at the small boy. He pouted before shaking his head vehemently.

"No, I like it! I like him," he said, pointing a finger in my direction. I raised my eyebrows and laughed.

"Just because you like me doesn't mean you like the school, Antonio."

"No!" Antonio whined like children were wont to do. "I want to go here. Can't I, nanny?" he pleaded, looking up at the woman with those puppy eyes again. The woman seemed to melt at the force of those weapons, but I couldn't blame her.

"Well, if you're insistent. Do you have time? Can you guide us to the principal's office?" Carina asked, and I nodded before holding out my hand towards the kid.

"How old are you, Antonio?" I asked as he enthusiastically took my hand. My mouth wouldn't stop smiling because somehow, this kid was just the cutest kid to ever cute.

"I'm ten!" the boy chirped, and how the hell was this kid ten? He looked six! Or seven! Or maybe even four!

I hummed and glanced at Carina.

"Antonio was raised in an orphanage," she explained. "We had a couple, a small mafia family that donated to our orphanage every so often. They were nice, but a dying famiglia to be honest. No heirs, not many relatives, just an old couple and the few subordinates they had. They died last week, and in their wills they donated their funds to our orphanage, enough that we could send a couple of our children to school. Maybe it was to keep it from other hands, but we were all very grateful. So here Antonio is."

I smiled. It was nice to know that, even in this world, there were those who cared for something seemingly insignificant, like an orphanage.

"That was very nice of them," I agreed as Antonio swung his hand in mine. "If he comes here, I will be sure to take care of him."

"Yes, I know," Carina replied warmly, glancing at our hands. Her eyes crinkled. "He's quite adorable, isn't he?"

" _Very_ ," I agreed.

And it was thus that I found myself a tail, a boy four years younger than me who followed me everywhere, and I found myself someone to care for for once. Not someone to care for me, like Giorgio, but someone _to_ care for. And maybe that's what I needed, I mused. Not a friend, nor a caretaker, but some I felt responsible for.

XxX

"Matt!"

I turned to find Toni ( _"Call me Toni, everybody else does!"_ ) racing towards me. With a slight stagger back and a grunt, I caught a flying armful of energetic boy. I laughed as I set him down, and cooing arose from some of my peers.

"I didn't know you had a little brother, Fava," a classmate of mine, a child of a smaller famiglia, commented. "What's your name, kid?"

"Antonio!" Toni chirped, arms around my waist and blinking wide eyes up at my classmates. "We're not blood related, but Matt's my best big brother!"

There was nobody who could oppose the cuteness.

Well, except for Superbi. For some reason, he had started disappearing more and more lately, before vanishing for a whole week. Now, he was back, and a snarl was firmly in his place.

"Take the brat elsewhere, Fava," he spat, and I recoiled, astonished. I knew that he'd been drawing away, but to become toxic…what exactly was going on with Xanxus and his group?

"It's after class, Squalo," I bristled angrily. If he was going to pretend that our friendship didn't exist (but did it really?), then fine. I didn't need temperamental, mercurial allies like him. I needed someone I could depend on, that Giorgio could depend on. "Last time I checked, you usually didn't care, seeing as how you were always away with Xanxus. Why stay behind now?"

Superbi – no, Squalo, because Superbi was for when I'd wanted friends, and he'd been there for me – Squalo stiffened, and his eyes narrowed before he bared his teeth hostilely and left the room.

It was later that I finally found out the reason for Squalo's aggressive behavior.

 _Treason_ , I'd heard whispers of. Of how Xanxus had rebelled against the Vongola boss, had tried to seize power only to fail. He was not imprisoned in a block of ice, never to be melted unless through extreme power. Many called it the Cradle Affair. _Betrayal_.

I stopped interacting with Squalo afterwards. My constant companion was sweet Toni, who saw me as his elder brother figure. I vowed that I would never abandon him like I had been left behind. If he wanted to leave me, fine, I'd accept that, but I wouldn't leave him first.

XxX

I finally saw Giorgio not long after. He'd been injured in the Cradle Affair, a part of his arm burnt from flames, peeling and warped.

It hurt, finding out from a _maid_ of all people. And it wasn't even the maid who'd told me. I'd overheard whispers.

So Giorgio was cut off from me now? He didn't _care_ to tell me anything now? Even his own injuries, his own life?

I excuse my actions that day to anger, grief, all-encompassing fiery rage. Because so many years, he was my anchor, my life, but now, what was I to him? Was I nothing now?

That day, I visited the Vongola mansion. I met Enrico briefly, but he only nodded to me and gave me directions to the room Giorgio was resting in. It wasn't Enrico's fault that Giorgio was growing further from me (well, it really was, but nobody was responsible for the distance between me and my brother but Giorgio and myself). It was also my fault, for letting this distance grow bigger, but Giorgio, my own brother, not even letting me know that he'd been hurt so badly…!

"Giorgio!" I roared as I slammed open the door to find him, surprised, in the middle of eating lunch.

"Matteo? What's up?"

"Don't _'what's up'_ me! You, why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" I snapped. He frowned.

"Why would I have to tell you?"

And that, that right there, that burned at already open and festering wounds. The vocal confirmation that I wasn't needed anymore, that people had moved on without me, that people didn't even _think_ about me anymore hurt. Squalo, Dino, even my own brother, they all had things happening, but did Squalo tell me that he was hurting after Xanxus was trapped in ice? No. Did Dino ever confide in me the pressures of becoming a mafia boss? No. Did Giorgio ever tell me about getting hurt? _No._

I let out the frustration out, and vitriol spilled out of my mouth.

"Because it might have escaped your notice lately, and you might have been too busy guarding your _precious_ Enrico to notice, but I'm your fucking _brother_ , you ungrateful bastard! I don't know what's been wrong with you these past years, but I expected you to at least keep in touch, you know? Because I've tried, but you don't notice, you never notice because your job is too important, you're needed to keep Enrico happy, because apparently all you are is a bodyguard. What happened to me being the first, huh? What happened to being a good brother, because you promised before, but looks like you're not a man of your word. And for what, Giorgio? For what? For a spoiled mafia heir who can't cover his own ass?!"

I was shrieking at the end of it, coming so close that my hands gripped the bedsheets.

 _Slap_.

My head was turned as a sting echoed across my cheek. A hand rose to my face, burning red from the slap. I turned to look at Giorgio, seething.

He was a cold mask. Ice settled over his face, and when he spoke, I heard no affection, nothing of my brother. Just…cold. Void. Like _death._

"Well, little brother, it might have escaped _your_ notice lately, but the world is bigger than you and our silly promises from when we were young. You haven't matured at all, have you? Still a whiny, insecure little boy, always looking for others to care for you. Well, grow up. I have a duty now, _Matteo_ , and I won't hear you badmouthing Enrico," Giorgio said, deadly and quiet. I could see a mafioso in this man. I could see what the Vongola had done to my brother. "Get out."

And wow, telling someone who was mentally older than him to _grow up_? How…

"Funny," I laughed, baring my teeth in a mockery of a smile. "How funny, big brother, that you forget the bonds of family so easily. I expected more from you."

"And I expected more from my family, but I was wrong. I said _get out_."

"I'm going, I'm going," I replied, turning my back on him. "I thought I meant more to you than that, you know? But apparently I was wrong. Don't worry, big brother, I've learned."

 _I've learned how merciless this world is. Be useful, or be left behind._

And I left the room. Enrico was hovering outside, worried. I was surprised to see that the worry was not for his bodyguard, his Paladin, but instead, for me.

"He didn't mean it, Matteo," he said, laying a hand on me to make me listen. I paused. "He's been under a lot of stress lately. I've been telling him to take it easy, but he won't. I'll talk to him, okay?"

I smiled humorously.

"It wasn't just this argument, sir," I said before gently moving away from him. It wasn't Enrico I was mad at, not specifically. Perhaps some of my anger was directed at him, but a larger portion directed at the Vongola and its silly traditions, a part at my brother, and the largest portion of all, at me for being weak. "It's been building for years now, ever since he left. It's high time this happened. Thank you, though."

I was about to leave it at that, but something, sentimentality perhaps, stopped me.

"Can you promise me you'll protect him? I know that he's your bodyguard, but…"

"I'll do my best," Enrico vowed, and I nodded before leaving.

Because even if my brother didn't need me anymore, I still loved him. I loved him so much, and although his goals had changed from loyalty to the family to loyalty to the famiglia, I was loyal to only him and my allies. Even if they left me, I wouldn't leave them.

XxX

Years passed in this manner. Toni, with his smile and laughter, kept me company as I practiced and poured my feelings out into the piano. I composed simple duets for him and me, and I played aching, sorrowful songs when he was gone. We grew closer, practically blood brothers, though I still saw him as a small puppy. Still the runt of the class, to be protected.

We took up swordsmanship together. Well, I took up swordsmanship. One thing I'd learned from PE was that, while good for long range, I would have a problem with short range fighters. After trial and error, I'd managed to create my own weapon, my own style of fighting.

After consulting several weapon makers as well as the academy's gym teacher, I designed a prototype of a unique weapon: a bow with blades attached. I could dismantle the bow so that the string was safely attached to one side, and the bow broke into two pieces at the handle. I'd end up with two halves of a bow, two short swords with the blades. Double swords, I'd once joked when my brother asked me which weapon I wished to learn. Now, I wasn't joking. If I wanted to get stronger, I'd have to learn how to cover my weaknesses, and the first step was to learn how to fight close-range.

I learned how to use these double swords. I learned to swiftly take my bow apart into two pieces and engage an enemy rushing at me and to put my short swords together to make a bow again. I learned to twist and turn my body, to be swift (because no matter how I trained, I wasn't built for strength but rather for _speed_ ) and to make that one critical slice that could end a man's life. I could hit moving targets accurately with an arrow and dash in to slice at a man's tendons with my blades.

"You'd make a good assassin," my gym teacher once commented after watching me spar against another student. I'd quirked a cold grin.

"Maybe," I hummed, expertly putting my bow together.

Toni, on the other hand, decided that he wanted to learn how to swing around a _greatsword_.

Small little Toni use a weapon as wide as he was? The very idea was laughable.

"Toni, I really think you should choose another weapon to focus on. Hey, why don't you try guns? You know, sniping people from above!" I'd asked.

"No! I'm going to grow up strong and learn the greatsword, and I'm going to protect you," he replied, and how could I say no to that?

(He reminded me so much of myself, and sometimes it was hard to deny him.)

So the years passed, slowly, with minimal contact with my brother and occasional glances with Squalo. Dino was perhaps the only one who greeted me often enough to still be considered a friend. Toni stayed with me, and sometimes he'd creep into our house and spend the night with me, when the nights were cold and the orphanage colder, and sometimes we'd spend the night just talking. He'd talk about his dreams ( _"I'll always protect you, Matt!"_ ) and his hobbies ( _"That gelato was so good. Can we go again sometime?"_ ). Sometimes, when he was asleep, I'd just talk to him about anything and everything. I'd tell him about my past life, about Superbi and Dino, about Giorgio. I'd hug him close and refuse to let him go.

Only because I had nothing else to grab onto.

XxX

I graduated from the school easily with high marks when I was eighteen. Dino immediately disappeared to become the true tenth boss of the Chiavarone famiglia, and Squalo disappeared into the Varia. As I contemplated the employment opportunities ahead (should I work or go to college again?), Toni entered high school. I was just as surprised as anyone else when Toni grew to become a rather handsome young man, taller than I was by far and broader across the shoulders than any of his classmates. The changes were abrupt, absurd, and utterly unexpected. I internally cried at the loss of my puppy.

"See, I told you I could use a greatsword," he boasted when he easily hefted the giant hunk of metal onto his shoulder, and I grimaced at the sheer inelegance of the thing.

"Right, I always believed you," I soothed.

Toni was strong and skilled with his preferred weapon. He kept his hair cropped while mine was longer, reaching my shoulder blades but always kept up in a messy bun or ponytail. But as large and intimidating as he looked, he was still a puppy in the end.

"You know, mafioso don't really us greatswords. Too big to swing and conspicuous," I'd reasoned, but if Toni was one thing, he was stubborn.

"Well, I'll be the meat shield, and you'll be the carry! I'll tank everything and you'll be the dps," he'd replied as if he hadn't heard a word I said. He'd also obviously been playing too many video games. 'Meat shield' and 'carry' indeed.

When the day came that his new school year began, he clung to me like a limpet and howled, completely blind to the fact that he was a grown ass teen, taller than I was and infinitely more intimidating. The sight was probably humorous to any outsiders' perspective: a giant, red headed teen glomping an older but smaller man.

"Matt, don't leave meeeee," he whined. "Don't leave me alone!"

I sighed. Perhaps I'd coddled him too much. "Toni, go make friends your age. Go to school, kid."

"But I only want you," he pouted, and his puppy eyes were still killer. I shook him off regardless.

(I was right, by the way. He _was_ a total lady killer. He was too oblivious to notice anyone's affections, though.)

I'd decided, after some contemplation, to just go to college. I was aimless, and additional education never hurt anybody. I'd learn more about the world, maybe brush up on my English and French, take private lessons with some professors, take classes that I'd never taken before.

I'd figure out everything later, I decided. No use stressing about everything. My goals, to protect my brother, still hadn't changed, and at college, I'd make more connections, learn more, train more. Knowledge was power in this world, and I was going to amass as much as I could.

XxX

The age twenty must have had one hell of a grudge against me. It was, after all, the age I had been when I'd died in my previous life, and it was the year I was when I received the news that would change my life irrevocably.

I stared at my father, a stern man with piercing brown eyes and hair.

"I…what?"

My father clenched his fists, and he narrowed his eyes.

"Enrico recently passed away, along with his two brothers. Giorgio also died in the incident."

A simple assassination, he explained. Some random hitman had been hired to kill Enrico, and in the process had killed Giorgio as well.

"Who?" I asked. Distantly, I heard him explaining that the assassin had been caught and executed, but there were to clues as to who had hired him.

"It's your responsibility, as the last son, to take up the mantle of Paladin and protect the Vongola famiglia heir," my father said tonelessly as if his own son's death was only a rather unfortunate hitch in his plan for life.

"How can you be so emotionless?" I asked, still numb, still trying to process the information. Because my brother was gone, deaddead _dead_ , and my anchor gone along with it. With my anchor went my dreams, and what was I supposed to do now I knew we had our differences but I loved him don't die _don't leave me behind you bastard…!_

"He failed his duty," my father said, and I wanted to throw myself at him. I wanted to scratch this man's face, to stab him in his heart and demand why he didn't _care_?! "And frankly, I don't think you'll fill in his shoes well enough, but you're the only one left."

"I don't care if I'm the only one left!" I screamed. He narrowed his eyes in disgust at my emotional outburst. "He's dead! And because of the _Vongola_ , my flesh brother is dead!"

"And so will you be if you don't cease this at once," my father replied sharply. "I understand that this is a shock, but the Fava family has always served the Vongola. To speak badly of them is treason, and you _will_ be executed. I will do it myself if you take a toe out of line, do you understand?"

"Then do it," I snarled, beyond hysterical at this point. "Kill me, I don't care, you'll be left without an heir, won't you? You'll be left with no sons or daughters and nobody to protect your precious Vongola family."

"Then you also don't care if I kill that little redheaded friend of yours?"

And I froze. My father smiled, utterly merciless, sharp as my blades and as piercing as my arrows.

"Should you force me to go this far, I will kill the orphan. However, if you cooperate and agree to protect the next Vongola heir, I will let him live. I've been too lax on you, and now I regret my mistake. You will begin training this week and shall do so for the next two years, after which you will be sent to protect Vongola. You will be pulled out of college, and you shall focus all of your attentions on your studies and training. Do I make myself clear?"

I bowed my head. Toni, the one who love me unconditionally. Toni, who had no obligations other than me. Toni, who I vowed to protect.

I yielded.

"Yes sir," I replied quietly and he nodded, pleased. He reached into his desk and pulled out something.

It was a black bracelet.

"A sign that you are now loyal to the Vongola. Every Paladin, since the first generation, has worn this with pride and honor. Although you are still untrained, you'll be wearing this, to remind you where exactly your loyalties lie," he said, fingering the bracelet. He pulled up his own sleeve and showed me a similar black bracelet. He held it out expectantly.

I hesitated. This…this simple thing wouldn't determine my loyalty, I decided. Such a small trinket, I could just take off one day and throw away. I strode forwards and took the bracelet.

Upon closer inspection, it was fragile, extremely so. It was metal of the purest black, nearly blue in the light. It was made of tiny chains, interwoven into a delicate and, if I were to be honest, very beautiful piece of work.

I looked up to see my father watching me closely. I unclasped the bracelet to slip onto my wrist.

"You accept your responsibilities, then?"

I glanced upwards as my agile fingers worked at the clasp again to close over my wrist.

"I do, father."

 _For Toni, not for you, and definitely not for the Vongola_.

The bracelet snapped shut.

"Then you are dismissed."

XxX

"So you're leaving me?" Toni wailed, arms around my shoulders and face buried in my neck. I sighed, petting his hair.

"I have to, Toni. I'm sorry," I replied, pulling him tighter to my chest. I closed my eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. I wanted to stay by your side, always. You know I love you, right? That if I had a choice, I'd stay with you."

These words were as much for me as they were for him. To remind myself that I had obligations outside of the Vongola. That I had a brother I could not abandon.

There was sniffling, and tears dried on my collar. I rubbed gentle circles on his back, soothing and shushing the boy. "I'm…well, I'll still be at home, right? You can come visit sometimes, but I might be busy. I'll try to keep you company as much as possible, okay?"

There was a furious head shake, and I tilted my head to avoid red hair from flying into my mouth.

"Look, you'll still have so many friends, right? You've got two more years of schooling, there's bound to be someone who's your friend," I said, trying to please him. I felt so guilty for doing the same thing, the exact _same goddamn thing_ that my brother ( _my brother my heart my anchor_ ) had done to me. "I'll…I'll make it up to you. Someday, I'll make it up to you."

He hesitated. "You promise?"

I hated making promises. I hated them because I never knew if I would keep them. But here, I resolved to do so. I wouldn't let my little brother, not by blood but by bond, suffer as I did.

"I promise."

He let go and rubbed at his eyes, still teary. I smiled weakly.

"I'll send you texts when I'm free, okay? And I'll set an alarm every week so I won't forget. _'Text the puppy_ ' it'll say. How about that?"

He huffed, but I could see the beginnings of a smile creeping onto his face.

"Fine. But I want gelato at least once every two weeks. And you have to tutor me, and spar me, and play with me, alright?"

I sighed.

XxX

I lay in bed, arms pillowed behind my head, staring at my window where the moonlight shone through.

It'd been a rough couple of months. I texted Toni when I could, kept him updated whenever I had a chance, but with only occasional meetings with my father and my personal instructors in the way of bodyguarding, it was rather lonesome.

 _Giorgio_ …

Even if we had had our differences, I still loved him. I still wanted to help him, to protect him as he had vowed to protect the Vongola. He was what held me as my mind teetered on the edge of insanity when I was less than a year old, and he was what kept me hanging on. To lose someone like that so suddenly...it was like the floor falling out from underneath my feet.

And the _Vongola_ …for so long, our family had centered around the Vongola. A mafia family, an organization of shady dealings and power. A famiglia that expected others to protect them, as if they were given the right to play with others' lives and use them as weapons and shields. A dangerous family.

A loathing I'd never felt before rose, like bubbling lava. It was an intense feeling I'd never felt before, a hatred so intense I was at first bewildered myself.

I hated them. _I hated them_.

They had taken Giorgio from me, first body, then mind, and lastly, when Giorgio could offer nothing else, his very soul. They'd trampled on my anchor and made a fool out of him. And he had died for _them_. For a spoiled heir who could not protect himself.

And here I was, in the same position. _Bullshit_.

I wouldn't protect this next heir. Oh yes, I'd maybe play at protecting, play at being a Paladin for this new heir, but no way, no fucking way would I give my life away. I would find the first opportunity to get rid of him, throw him to the first assassin who came his way, and I'd be free. Maybe there'd be another heir, but so what? I'd toss him to the wolves too. If my family were the ones who were always the Paladins, and if they didn't want me, well, father had better find a woman and produce a new son or daughter. Too fucking bad because I wasn't going to follow their plans blindly.

I definitely wasn't going to stand at their side like a loyal guard dog, trained to growl at enemies.

I hated them. I hated my family. I hated the mafia system. And I hated, absolutely _loathed_ , the Vongola. For it was only Vongola who held to tradition, only Vongola who kept steadfastly to such outdated ways.

 _I'll avenge you, brother._

XxX

 **A/N: Thus ends the first part.**

 **Sincerely yours,**

 **haplessgrapefrut**


	5. There are new beginnings,

**A/N: And so begins Part II.**

 **Please enjoy!**

XxX

I awoke with a jolt as the jet shuddered, touching the ground. My neck was cramped, and I groaned in pain as I tried to work out the kink. My eyes opened gummily as I peered outside the window to see rolling grass and clear skies.

I'd have to get used to the time change between Japan and Italy soon. The time change messed up my internal clock, and I wouldn't be aware of my surroundings if I was sleepy. I was finally about to begin what I'd been trained for for two years. Two years, with only one goal in mind.

"Matt, Matt, look, we're in Japan!" a hand jostled my shoulder, and I glared up at Toni.

"I'm not _blind_ , Toni," I huffed before glancing out at the sky. "And Japanese, speak Japanese, not Italian! You have to practice if you want to be understood in this country."

"Ah, sorry, sorry," Toni answered awkwardly in Japanese. "I'm just not used to it!" His tongue tried to twist around the words, and he completely sounded a foreigner. If his coloring didn't tip any natives off, his speech would.

"You should get used to it soon, Toni. We'll be here for an indefinite amount of time, until I can train the heir to fill in the shoes of a mafia boss," a squeaky voice said. A head popped up from the row in front of us, a green lizard perched on a yellow-banded fedora.

Reborn, the strongest hitman in the world. The most ruthless, cunning, and daring of all, with the most dangerous kills under his belt and stealthy assassinations to his name. He would be tutoring the new heir, and I would be working alongside of him to protect the heir. Honestly, if _Reborn_ was the one around the kid, I didn't see why my presence was necessary. Reborn could easily protect the heir from anything I could protect him from as well.

"But isn't it exciting, finally being here?" Toni asked, leaning over me to peer outside, just like a puppy.

"Use Japanese!"

"A-ah…sorry."

I mulled over the answer to his question a bit as I leaned my head against the window. My reflection stared back at me.

Here is where it would begin. I would have to keep on my toes from now on, to be vigilant and wary. I would have to be cunning, swift on my feet, ready to take action at any notice. This is where the stage would be set, where I would succeed or fail. My very life, and Toni's as well, could depend on my actions in this country.

On whether I could avenge my brother. On whether I could conceal my intentions from Reborn. On whether I could nip the heir's growth in the bud before he grew to become a difficult foe.

A sharp, predatory smile stretched my lips, and I glanced down at the folder in my lap. I opened it and stared at the photo on the first page. I chuckled.

"Yes, it's exciting. Very exciting."

I'd end the Vongola line right here.

XxX

I stared up at the house. It was in a quaint neighborhood, peaceful and quiet. Well, it probably wouldn't be as quiet once we got here. The moment we'd arrived, rumors that Reborn, the world's strongest hitman, and the heir to the Fava family, Paladins of the Vongola famiglia, had arrived in Namimori to protect a young man, there would be investigations. Any idiot could put two and two together to produce the correct results. And once it became well known that the future Vongola Decimo was residing here, Namimori would become a hotspot for those hoping to end the Vongola line. The information had been kept under wraps before, but now…

"So we're gonna be working with a college student named Sawada Tsunayoshi, right?" Toni asked in Italian (again), shadowing his eyes with a hand.

" _Japanese!_ "

"We will be investigating his life for a week before we introduce ourselves. We need to know his schedule, his habits, who he hangs out with. Do not interrupt with his daily routine, do not interact with him. Report any oddities. Do you understand?" Reborn asked. He glanced at Toni and landed his eyes on me.

I was not surprised. Reborn had been suspicious of me for a while. He knew of my history, of my brother and his death, and how I had withdrawn from interactions with anyone but Toni afterwards, hatred in my heart. He was observant and shrewd. If I wanted to make Tsuna's death seem unrelated to me, I'd have to get past Reborn first.

He had no proof that I was aiming for Sawada Tsunayoshi's life, but one wrong move on my part and he would. And after that, execution would be inevitable.

"I understand," I said, bringing my hand to my chest, where my bracelet jingled quietly. I shook my wrist gently in front of Reborn to remind him of my oath as a Paladin. To me, however, it was a daily reminder of what I had promised myself to do: to protect Toni, and to take down the Vongola.

Reborn didn't change expressions, but he broke eye contact first and turned around after staring me down, black eyes unreadable.

"Good. I will send out a flyer for a personal home tutor in a couple of days."

And with that last parting, Reborn disappeared into a tree, most likely to spy and start setting up a security system.

Toni grinned and bounced on his toes. It was an odd sight to those unused to the tall redhead. A giant Italian with chocolate brown eyes, a wide excited grin on his face, carrying a giant sword and displaying his quite frankly fabulous muscles, bouncing like an excited puppy. He'd tanned significantly during the past two years, and now his red hair was complemented by bronzed golden skin.

"I can't wait!" he exclaimed, and I spared him a small, fond smile.

I glanced back up at the house before turning around to scout the area.

I couldn't wait either.

XxX

I had expected more, quite honestly, but what I was confronted with during my observations left me thoroughly unimpressed. I wondered if this was truly the Young Lion's son.

Sawada Tsunayoshi was, in all, a failure of a human being. Even _I_ hadn't been that incompetent my first time around as a college student.

He was failing his classes. His math and chemistry grades were rock bottom, he was bumbling through his introductory psychology class, he was dead last in his gym class, and he was involved in no extracurriculars. He skipped class often, and even more often he often overslept. He lived with his mother to save money instead of staying at the dorms on campus, but his mother had to take care of him on a daily basis.

It was killing the pre-med inside of me.

He had no friends. People made fun of him for his clumsiness, he couldn't interact with anyone without screaming or stuttering, and his social ineptitude offended me on a level I'd thought never existed before. He had been nicknamed 'Dame-Tsuna' throughout his middle and high school career, and even here, as a freshman, he couldn't shake off the title. He had a giant crush visible from the moon on a rather cute girl named Sasagawa Kyoko, but she didn't seem to notice him other than the occasional greeting when she spotted him. It made me pity him, like a small, pathetic creature. Perhaps if I wasn't dead set on destroying his life, I'd want to help him.

It wasn't _him_ , per se, that I wanted to murder. Perhaps he was even a decent person underneath that fluff of hair and bumbling personality. It was what he stood for, though, what he was destined to be and destined to do (carry on traditions, sacrifice more generations of the Fava family, build an empire on sacrifices, take away husbands and lovers and _brothers_ ) that made my fingers itch for my bow, to carve his head from his shoulders.

(And yet, in a strange way, Tsuna himself was also a victim of the mafia. Raised by a father never present, volunteered to become a mafia boss when he should have just been a normal civilian. Tsuna's innocence, his peaceful life had been taken away from him without his knowledge, and all he would have now was a future in leading a criminal organization. I pushed down my pity, because I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that Tsuna was just like me, thrust into the mafia because of family.)

"Um…Matt, he's…kind of a failure, isn't he…?" Toni asked tentatively, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was seated on a bench on the Namimori University campus, spying on him through the window of his classes.

"He's worse than you," I responded. Toni squawked in indignation.

Over his shouts of contradictions, I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head.

Sawada Tsunayoshi could not become a mafia boss, would not in a thousand years. He had no motivation, no drive to command a whole underground organization. He was scared of dogs, how would he face against much more intimidating bosses of other famiglias? Nono must have reached very, very far and searched incredibly hard to dredge up this kid.

All the better for me, though. I could kill him easily. The more careless the enemy, the easier it would be for me to off him. But the more careless Tsuna was, the more vigilant Reborn would be, and the more careful I had to be. It was a conundrum. The person I had to focus my attention on if I wanted to kill the Vongola was Reborn.

"Matt? Matt, those girls over there are looking at us weird," Toni tugged on my arm to get my attention, leaning in closely to whisper by my ear (in stuttering Japanese, _finally_ ). He was not inconspicuous in his mutterings in any way, and the college girls who were looking at us blushed.

"You're too noticeable. Why the hell are you carrying around your sword, you idiot?" I asked, whacking him on the head.

Toni whined and held his head with both hands, tears in his eyes. I really doubted it'd hurt that much. He whined, "You're carrying around your weird sword bow thing and a quiver full of arrows! How am I any less noticeable than you?!"

I easily ignored him.

XxX

A week flew by quickly, and before I knew it, I stood in front of the Sawada household. I shifted my duffel bag as Toni pressed the doorbell, Reborn perched on his shoulder like some overgrown bird.

The door opened to reveal a woman that resembled Tsuna quite a bit. It seemed like the boy had inherited little physical traits from his father and more from his round faced mother.

"Ah, you must be Reborn the home tutor and his two assistants! Come in, come in, Tsuna is just upstairs," the woman greeted cheerfully, looking at Toni. My eye twitched in annoyance. Just because Toni was taller, broader, and looked older didn't mean he was in charge. It was a mistake others often made that Toni rubbed in my face when he was addressed as if he were the older one. My pride stung. "My name is Sawada Nana, but you can just call me Nana!"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Nana-san," Toni said, somewhat awkwardly. He pointed his finger at Reborn. He halting tried to explain in Japanese, "But, ah, I think you've made a mistake. This is Reborn."

Nana blinked in surprise but rolled with the information quite admirably. "Ah, my mistake then! I apologize, Reborn-san!"

"It's no problem," Reborn replied gallantly. My eye twitched even more. Now that we had an audience, somehow, Reborn had evolved into a sweet angel. It was an abrupt one-eighty from his analytical, hitman side. "This is Toni and Matteo. We'll be bringing your son's grades up."

I bowed, as per Japanese custom. "It's nice to meet you, Nana-san." My Japanese was much less accented than Toni's and flowed more smoothly. "We will be in your care. Thank you very much for your hospitality."

Nana beamed happily. She was a pleasant woman, accommodating and compassionate, and quite capable as a person, if the fact that she had single-handedly raised Tsuna was true. From what I'd heard, Iemitsu was never around his home and instead worked with the CEDEF tirelessly. It irked me that a father didn't spend much time with his wife or kid. Yet more sacrifices in the name of the Vongola name.

"Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay!" she said, and we all bowed again and left our shoes at the doorstep. We headed up the stairs quickly.

Right before we reached his room, Reborn paused. He glanced over his shoulder, and I could see the glint of threat in his eyes.

"I cannot stress how important your jobs are. I will have my hands full teaching Tsuna, but you two will have to be vigilant as well. Toni, although you have only just graduated from school, Matteo trusts your judgement. I hope you live up to his expectations," he said, seriously. Toni nodded, his face lacking its usual good humor. Reborn then turned to look at me, and I stared back, impassive. "Matteo, I understand that you have a rocky history with the Vongola, but I am under orders by the Nono to teach Tsuna and keep him _safe_. I hope you will be able to set aside all differences."

My face didn't change expression. We stared at each other, silent and tense. I inclined my head in surrender.

"Good. Then let's get this show on the road, shall we?"

XxX

Tsuna was even more pathetic in person.

"You? A tutor?" Tsuna asked incredulously before snorting in laughter. Now, I wasn't Reborn's biggest fan either, but even I found his attitude annoying. "What kind of name is Reborn anyways?"

Reborn smiled, and it was really too bad that Tsuna couldn't feel the waves of sadism wafting off of the hitman. I grinned in anticipation.

"Oh, yes, I'll be tutoring you to become a mafia boss," Reborn stated matter of factly. He drew a gun and examined it leisurely before pointing it at Tsuna. "I'm the strongest hitman in the world, and these two are competent assassins in their own rights. Want to test that out?"

"You expect me to believe that that's a real gun?" Tsuna asked, still chuckling. "You shouldn't threaten adults. Shouldn't you be in school anyways?"

I drew my bow and ran my finger along its blade. I tilted it so the finely honed and polished surface reflected the light of the room. I was acting it up, so sue me. This would probably be the most fun I'd have in _years_.

"Oh, so you think we're joking, do you?" I asked nonchalantly before, in a movement too quick for Tsuna to register, brought the blade to rest against the other man's collarbone. I noticed, with some amount of irritation, that Tsuna was only slightly shorter than me. Of course I'd still be short even in my second life. Someone up there hated me, so I took solace in watching Tsuna's face pale, and I grinned sharply. "I could try chopping off your head. Or maybe planting an arrow between your eyes. What do you think of that?"

"Matt, don't be mean," Toni admonished and placed a hand on my arm, guiding the weapon away from Tsuna. I frowned in disappointment.

"These two will be your bodyguards. As I said earlier, we're going to be training you to be a competent boss of the Vongola, so you'll become a target. Meet Fava Matteo, nicknamed the Bladed Archer for his skill with his unique weapon, and Antonio, often called the Juggernaut for his overpowering force. I hope you get along well," Reborn said lightly.

There was a brief pause in interactions before Tsuna shook his head.

"I don't believe you. Whoever you are, whoever sent you, I don't care. You're all joking, this is a joke, right?" Tsuna asked, a hysterical edge creeping into his voice.

"This is no joke. We'll be living with you to train you to become a respectable mafia boss. We begin tomorrow," Reborn said happily. "I'll also be staying in your room, if you don't mind."

"I _do_ mind! Get out!"

I drew near the spluttering college student and leaned forwards. Tsuna, finally noticing my presence (he'd have to be trained in sensing others' presences), stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall (as well as his grace and…well, basically everything). I blocked either side of his head with my arms and leaned forwards, efficiently caging him in between the wall and my body. His eyes widened in fright as I tilted my head dangerously forwards, and I conjured up my most terrifying smile.

"I'm looking forwards to working with you… _boss_."

XxX

To my immense annoyance, Toni and I had been enrolled in Namimori University as well.

 _To guard him better_ , Reborn had chirped. _You never finished your college education, did you? Here's your chance!_

That excuse would have worked better if I wasn't taking freshmen introductory courses for the third time in my existence. I groaned while Toni beamed, excited that he was about to experience college life.

"This isn't a vacation, Toni," I snapped, sullenly walking beside Tsuna and Toni the next morning.

"But I get to experience college! I didn't think I would, but I am! I'm so excited, Matt!" Toni exclaimed hyperactively. Somehow, he had his sword strapped onto his back, covered up so that it wasn't too obvious that he was bringing a lethal weapon onto a campus full of young adults.

…who was I kidding. With my bow strapped onto my own back, we'd stand out like sore thumbs. There was no way someone _didn't_ figure out what exactly we were carrying. Thankfully, civilians tended to be the most oblivious people in the world. It was the strangest thing I'd found about this world, followed closely behind by flames that one's will produced. Even if a whole building was blown up in front of them or I starting glowing from my nonexistent Dying Will Flames (Toni and I didn't possess flames, which was strange because we were Vongola, notorious for having flame users), most people would attribute it to something else. Willingly blind, like sheep. The mysteries of this world would never cease to amaze me.

"Um…Matt-san?" Tsuna asked beside me, and I turned to glare at the teen.

"It's Matteo, Bakayoshi," I hissed, and he seemed both bewildered and frightened at the sudden display of hostility. He also seemed to be somewhat shocked by my (in my not so humble opinion) clever nickname. I may have to protect him, but that didn't mean that I had to like him.

"I'm so-sorry!" he cried, and I backed off slightly. When he saw that I didn't make any more threatening gestures towards him, he asked tentatively, "Why are you coming to school with me?"

"To protect your ass," I replied, fixing my eyes back on the road. We were getting near campus. "Weren't you listening to Reborn at all earlier?"

"I…"

"'I wasn't taking him seriously'," I mocked. "You didn't believe him, did you? Well you better believe it, kid, because if you don't take us seriously, someone might just get _hurt_ , you know?"

"Matt!" Toni chided and firmly maneuvered himself between us. "Please, Tsunayoshi-san, you must believe us. You've been chosen to become the tenth boss of the Vongola, and you must take this responsibility seriously."

"Crazy," Tsuna muttered under his breath. "I'm not going along with whatever joke you're playing at, and I have no intentions of becoming a mafia boss!"

The teen sped up determinedly, and Toni made a move to follow. I grabbed his arm and shook my head.

"But…!" Toni protested, and I looked up at him.

"He'll believe us at the end of the day," I said, and I glanced at where a dark shape had just darted away from a nearby bush. It was nearly unnoticeable, but I had been trained to notice such things, as had Toni.

Toni noticed the shape as well and gnawed at his lip. I quirked a small grin and ruffled his hair.

"Don't worry, Toni. I've got this. All he needs is a good scare and a nice, harsh look at reality."

XxX

I lounged back in the classroom, feet tapping a steady rhythm on the ground and fingers playing with a strand of hair. I twisted it, completely and utterly bored as the teacher yammered on about derivatives and integrals and blah blah blah, Jesus, I'd learned this in my senior year of _high school_.

I glanced over to see Tsuna gazing outside, daydreaming, and I sighed. This was why the kid wasn't learning anything!

Striking a foot out, I nailed him in the calf. He yelped, drawing the attention of the classroom.

"Sawada-san, is there something wrong?" the professor asked disapprovingly.

"N-nothing..." Tsuna answered, sinking low in his chair in humiliation as laughter resounded around him.

After a while the professor moved on, and Tsuna threw me a sullen glare. I raised my eyebrow and jerked my head towards the blackboard showing example problems and formulas. None of which Tsuna had written down, I might add.

He looked up and reluctantly jotted down notes in messy handwriting.

Toni was entirely too absorbed in the class to notice the exchange. Although sometimes dense and not very smart academically with the memory of a goldfish, he was hardworking. I couldn't say the same for Tsuna, though.

As class ended, Tsuna rushed out of class without us, and I sighed. I _was_ supposed to be his Paladin, but if he didn't want to be protected, then what was I supposed to do about that? Nothing, really. If he rejected my help, it wouldn't be my fault if he died in some wayward assassination.

 _But it would be_ , I sulked. I was supposed to protect him no matter what, and if I let him get killed when I could have prevented it, fingers would point at me.

I followed him out and saw him leave campus.

That _brat_ , it was only halfway through the day! He still had classes!

(I was thoroughly ignoring the times I'd skipped classes myself.)

"Matt," Toni prompted, seriously, and I sighed as I glimpsed a dark shadow following Tsuna. The word had already spread that the world's strongest hitman as well as two admirable fighters in their own rights were hanging around a college kid. It didn't take much brains to connect some dots.

"Let's go protect his dumb ass," I said, stalking after the kid. But not without some fun first.

XxX

Well, the assassin should have been downright easy to get rid of. I held Toni back when I saw the dark shadow prepare something that glinted in the sun (throwing knives, often a favorite for those who wanted to get things done quickly and quietly). Unfortunately (or fortunately, but I was sticking to unfortunately), the assassin was only third-rate, and the knives missed.

Barely, I sighed. So close. Of course, if the knives had threatened to hit, I'd have intercepted. However, my eyes were just as sharp as my reflexes were, and I'd predicted where the knives would land.

Tsuna screeched and stumbled backwards, landing on his butt. His face had paled rapidly as the dark figure walked casually out into the open and smirked.

(Mistake number one, assassins _never_ revealed themselves unless strictly necessary.)

"So you're the next Vongola heir, huh? Sorry kid, but I have orders to end your life. Nothing personal, I promise," the assassin sneered, and even I could feel Toni facepalming beside me.

(Mistake number two, never reveal your intentions or the reason you're targeting someone. Hints could endanger the client, or even worse, yourself. Reputation and skills were everything in the assassination world.)

"I'm not, I'm not! I don't know what you're talking about!" Tsuna screeched at a decibel that should have been impossible for a man. I wondered if he could summon dogs with that voice.

"Even if you don't, I still can't let you live. Boss's orders, sorry," the man said, and he rushed forwards.

There was a sharp click, and I rolled my eyes towards the sky. _So Reborn finally arrived._

A bullet drove itself perfectly into Tsuna's forehead, quickly and quietly. The college student stumbled backwards at the force, eyes wide and unseeing, causing the assassin to miss his next knife throw.

The assassin was confused and paused in his assault as he watched the kid's seemingly lifeless body.

(Mistake number three, never pause, never stop. Stay in motion, or the prey may turn its fangs on you.)

Suddenly, an orange flame sprouted on Tsuna's forehead, and he rose like some zombie freshly resurrected.

"I WILL KEEP LIVING WITH MY DYING WILL!" he roared.

 _…what the fuck._

I stared in complete disbelief as the kid's clothes came off (and it wasn't even a body worth admiring, it was so _skinny_ and where were the muscles, the _muscles!_ ) except for his boxers and he rushed to combat the assassin head on. His eyes held passion and determination, and I caught a glimpse of who Tsuna could become in the future if trained properly.

Dangerous.

But even with the Dying Will Bullet, a mere, untrained college kid couldn't defeat a trained assassin head on. Tsuna was holding his own decently well, but in the long run, he'd run out of steam and fall, easy pickings for the assassin. I sighed and handed my backpack to Toni.

"Hold this. I guess I should do my job now," I muttered, and Toni obediently took my bag. I unstrapped my bow and grabbed an arrow from my quiver. With no hesitation, I lined up the arrow and aimed.

(And mistake number four, never engage in a head-on conflict. Assassins are made for the shadows, not fighting in the light. If an assassin can't kill discretely, quietly, and quickly, hidden at all times, then he is no assassin but rather a bumbling idiot with better fighting skills than the norm.)

I released my arrow.

It sliced through the air and landed right in the assassin's throat. He choked on his own blood and stopped in his assault.

The assassin fell, dead before he even hit the ground. I wrinkled my nose at the blood spurting from the wound in the same rhythm as his dying heartbeat. Messy, but efficient.

Tsuna stumbled, the fire on his forehead extinguishing as abruptly as it came. He blinked before his eyes, previously so determined, landed on the dead assassin. He stared blankly at it before rushing towards a nearby bush and throwing up heavily in it.

I wasn't so surprised. Any grown adult would blanch at a dead body. I couldn't hold it against him, but if he was to become the Vongola boss, he'd have to toughen up.

"What the hell!" he exclaimed, trembling and wiping at his mouth. I raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

"That, Dame-Tsuna, was an assassin sent after you to kill you," a voice said. Reborn landed easily on my head, and I huffed in annoyance but endured the treatment. If I didn't, there'd be a world of pain for me. "You're a prime target for anyone wanting to bring down the Vongola. The most qualified of the tenth generation, Enrico, was shot, Matsumo was drowned, and Federico was reduced to bone. There's someone after the Vongola famiglia, and you, as the last heir, must be protected at all costs."

A pained pang shot through my chest at the mention of Enrico, but I swallowed the feeling. 'Last heir'? This was the first I thought of it. Granted, I still couldn't just fling myself at Tsuna and murder him. Firstly, Reborn would undoubtedly stop me before I took a step to hurt even a hair on Tsuna's head, and secondly, well, I had no intention to spend the rest of my life with the Vindice. I tilted my head at the terrified young man. "You're the next one in line. Do you see the danger now?"

"But I don't want to become a mafia boss!" Tsuna shouted before his eyes landed on the assassin again. He clapped his hand over his mouth to hold in another spew of bile.

"That doesn't matter to the Vongola's enemies," Reborn replied, almost gently. "Whether you want to or not, we're going to train you to become a mafia boss. It would be in your best interest to accept it, if only to protect yourself."

"Better accept it, Bakayoshi," I said carelessly, slinging my bow over a shoulder and grabbing my bag from Toni. "Sooner or later, you'll be dragged into it. It's easier fight than to run, and it'll hurt less in the long run."

 _Trust me, I know_ , I thought bitterly as I strode towards Tsuna's house.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a rustle in the trees. It had been quite a still day, so unless it was an animal, my gut instinct was telling me that there was someone else. I trusted my gut instinct.

I glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed. Toni and Tsuna definitely hadn't, but Reborn was also side-eying the tree suspiciously. I pretended I hadn't seen anything and continued on. If that was a spy sent to gauge what kind of protections Tsuna had, I'd let him go. His boss's goals and mine were most probably the same, after all.

And thus, our days in Namimori began.

XxX

 **Sincerely yours,**

 **haplessgrapefrut**


	6. And life passes me by,

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, guys. I haven't been in much of the mood for writing, but if I'm every going to finish a story, it's gonna be this one because I have everything planned out, it just needs to get _written_. Ugh. Anyways, please read and review, as always. I appreciate everyone's support.**

XxX

The days that followed were the most relaxing I'd had in a while. Fending off the occasional assassin was only a blip in my daily routine (of which the first had been the most dangerous, which was just plain disappointing), and watching Reborn mercilessly teach Tsuna was entertainment on its own. Toni and I kept him from leaving campus before his last class and got him up every day easily to shove him out the door whether he was presentable to the public or not. He quickly learned that if he didn't want to walk to school in his rumpled pajamas and unwashed face, he had better get ready before it was time to leave instead of oversleeping.

Overall, Nana seemed incredibly grateful for Tsuna's improving life choices. In exchange, she cooked wonderfully delicious Japanese meals for us. I'd always been a fan of Japanese food throughout both of my first and second lives, and eating homemade Japanese food was the best.

(I was reminded of empty chairs and empty tables, no brother or father in sight, and a mother I'd never known existed, of food delivered to me, tasting cold and bland with none of the warmth of family.)

It was simple to raise idiot Tsuna's grades. Tsuna wasn't (too) stupid, after all, merely incredibly unmotivated with self-confidence issues the size of Russia. Reborn quickly beat that out of his head, and all Tsuna had time to focus on after were studies and training.

Physical training was left up to me. I refused to rub my hands together and cackle like some supervillain from a Marvel movie.

Ah, sweet sweet revenge, I thought, smiling placidly as I swung my disassembled bow at him. He shrieked.

"Matteo-san, please stop!" he cried.

I blinked innocently at him, book in one hand and blade in the other. The book was really boring, but I relished in acting, and hey, if I looked cooler doing it, why not?

"Ah, but this is training," I chirped. "I'm supposed to train you!"

"This isn't training, this is just you being sadistic!" he shrieked, dodging another slow swing from me.

I hummed. "That's true enough."

"Matteo," Toni said, "maybe you should let up a bit? He's not even that strong yet."

"That's right! I'm not strong yet!" Tsuna echoed, and I beamed at him, all rainbows and sunshine.

"Which is why I'm training you, isn't it?" I asked before an unholy grin crept onto my face. "Maybe I should step up my training since you have the energy complain."

"Please don't!"

Yes, training was a very fun way to let off my stress.

XxX

Tsuna's ever day life should have boring. My daily routine consisted of the same thing, over and over, day after day.

First thing in the morning, I woke up at five and checked all of my traps to make sure they were still working and nobody had tripped them. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, donned my attire and pulled my messy hair back into either a bun or a ponytail, and did a brief but thorough scan on the house. Nana was usually peacefully asleep in her too-large room that should have housed a husband (and I would always feel bad for her, because no wife should have to be worried about her husband every day, without a warm body beside her to wake up and fall asleep to). Tsuna would be sprawled out on his back, tangled in his sheets, and Reborn would do his weird sleep-with-eyes-open thing. I'd wake up Toni, and he'd grumble a bit before dragging his butt out of bed.

Sometimes I jogged around the neighborhood. Sometimes I just sat on the roof, watching the sun rise. Mornings were the only time I had to myself, when I could let down my hair (figuratively) and relax. My eyes were sharp and always watching, and ears always perked for any unusual sounds. Toni would fall asleep sometimes during these lazy mornings, and I'd smile and just think, breath in the crisp morning air.

Sometimes, I'd rise one hour earlier than usually, creep out of the house and visit the music buildings on the Namimori University campus. I'd break into a practice room, stroke ivory keys, and play. I'd recall my past life fondly, of competitions and entertaining my friends with piano arranged soundtracks, of composing my own pieces and glowing with pride when I sent recordings to my dad. Sometimes, I'd lose myself and let fingers fly.

Tsuna's alarm was usually my signal to raise my shields, to harden my armor and be ready to plan, think, imagine scenarios and prepare myself. I'd tap Tsuna's window gently to wake up Reborn (who would usually always be awake anyways, but just for personal safety, because one never, _never_ wakes up a sleeping assassin) before swinging and traumatize Tsuna with another morning wake-up call.

After Tsuna was awake and freshly reminded of my very scary presence (heh), we'd all have breakfast, with me showing all my teeth in a terrifying smile and Tsuna squeaking and scrambling to help with the morning chores. I'd grab my weapon and arrows, Toni would bring his conspicuous giant-ass sword, and Tsuna would bring his backpack, and off we would go to the university.

What classes he had depended on what day it was. I flew through chem, math, and psych with flying colors, with Toni bumbling behind like an overgrown puppy, piecing through the Japanese texts and eyes furrowed at the professor. Tsuna was getting better grades with each passing assignment and quiz, which surprised me quite a bit.

Sometimes we'd catch a glance of Kyoko. She was cute, I guess, in a really girly kind of way, like a doll. She seemed like one of those girls who'd throw a fit at being left behind, all teary and sad, but didn't have the strength to do anything about it. That didn't mean that she was a bad person, though. She was nice, always happy, cheerful, and compassionate. A typical damsel-in-distress.

I hated damsels. Why stay weak, when you could grow strong and independent?

One day, I had asked, carelessly and with deliberate crassness, "Hey, Bakayoshi, why do you like the Sasagawa chick?" I did an obvious scan of her body and leered, "Is it her rack? Her ass? She's lacking in both departments, I have to say. I've seen bigger." Toni raised an eyebrow at my attitude. I was usually respectful towards females, mostly because I'd been one before, and I knew how it felt to be one, to whistled at on the street like I was nothing but a slab of incredibly attractive meat on legs.

I'd been shocked when Tsuna had grown red, but not with embarrassment. No, he had been _angry_ at me.

"Not everybody's shallow like you," he'd snapped back at me. "She's maybe not the prettiest girl, but she's sweet and caring. She gives people her attention, and she's gentle towards strangers. Maybe _you_ don't see anything in her, but _I_ do."

And with that, he'd walked away in a huff, leaving me behind with a mildly surprised face.

It looked like Tsuna had grown a backbone sometime during our acquaintance. I guess he wasn't a totally helpless guy, after all.

"You were testing him?" Toni had asked, frown of disapproval stamped on his face.

I'd just shaken my head and followed after the brunet. He wasn't totally helpless, after all.

Afterwards, we'd head back home, and I'd drill him for two hours. Laps, sit ups, pull ups, lunges, endurance runs, I cooked up a whole list of things to do for him. I had no doubt that he hated me for it. After his daily exercises (which I'd do along with Toni, and both of them would be utterly exhausted afterwards), I tutored Tsuna in psychology while Reborn handled the chemistry and math departments. There would be subtle lessons here and there of loyalty, little history stories of when this boss had betrayed his subordinates and was assassinated or when that guy who'd been a great boss but made one little mistake and paid for it with his life.

Dinner would be a nice affair. Nana usually cooked something different every day, surprising me with thoughtful little Italian dishes here and there or food that she had noticed we liked. It wasn't hard to like the woman.

After dinner, I'd do assignments on the roof with Toni, giving him private lessons in Japanese and always watching, always looking for danger (for _opportunities_ ), always grasping for a way to destroy the Vongola. Toni himself didn't know anything of my desires and ambitions. My plans were too dark, too ruthless for him, who was the only beacon of light in my life, the only living being I looked to and smiled at.

And at night, I'd sleep with one eye open, always aware, always wary.

XxX

The first exciting thing to happen to us occurred a couple of weeks later. It'd been a very nice day, clear and sunny. Reborn, I notice, was conspicuously absent, which put me on guard for whatever hare-brained scheme he was coming up with. I quickly discovered what, exactly, this scheme was.

The moment we stepped into the lecture hall for Tsuna's intro chem class, a wave of killer intent hit us like an incoming train. I narrowed my eyes and glanced sharply around the room.

Not an assassin, if there was such a strong killer intent radiating throughout the room. No assassin worth his salt would let off such an obvious aura, which left…

 _Bingo_.

There, sitting in the front row, was a familiar teen with silver hair and green eyes. He wore a variety of bracelets and chains, and the moment we stepped in, his attention zeroed onto us. Or more specifically, Tsuna, who'd frozen like a deer in headlights.

"Hayato!" an enthusiastic shout resounded in my ears, and suddenly this guy named Hayato found himself with an armful of Toni. The killer intent abruptly vanished. I chuckled. Toni wasn't called the Juggernaut just for his overwhelming power with his broadsword. His charm and enthusiasm was a force to be reckoned with in itself.

"W-what, Toni?"

"Hayato! I didn't expect to find you here!" Toni said, drawing backwards to smile widely at the other teen.

"Toni," I chided gently, grabbing him by the back of his collar and hauling him away like a naughty kitten. I nodded at Hayato. "It's good to see you, Smoking Bomb."

Gokudera Hayato, otherwise known as the Smoking Bomb, younger brother of the Poison Scorpion Bianchi. I'd met him several times, since Toni and Hayato had been classmates and I'd caught glances of him several times at the academy's practice rooms.

"You too," he muttered distractedly before he caught sight of Tsuna. The killer intent rushed back, and I understood. "So the rumors are true, then?"

"Very true," I confirmed before lugging Toni towards the back of the room, leaving Tsuna to face Hayato's glare by himself.

I texted Reborn once I'd deposited my baggage in the seat beside me. Toni slumped, put out that I'd dragged him away from his friend.

 _You didn't tell me Smoking Bomb was coming._

I received a prompt reply.

 _You're the Paladin. Your job is to keep vigilant about the affairs around the heir. It's not my fault you didn't pay attention._

I hissed and snapped my phone shut irritably. I narrowed my eyes at Tsuna as he jogged to sit beside us, preferring to cower by our sides than stay close to the newcomer.

Yes, I'd have to be more vigilant if I wanted to kill Tsuna without any suspicion on my part.

My bracelet jingled quietly as I propped my elbow on the desk and leaned my cheek against my fist in preparation for another boring lecture. I glanced at the black chain. Never forget, and always strive towards my goal.

XxX

"I challenge you to a fight for the position of the Tenth Vongola boss," Hayato demanded right as class ended, towering over a dosing Tsuna. Tsuna blinked at the sudden presence and squealed.

"W-what?" he stuttered.

The boy had grown, no doubt about that. When younger, he'd been hotheaded and impulsive, bristling at any insult towards his mother and always straining to prove himself that he was worth attention. Proving oneself in the mafia world wasn't an easy tast. Now he held his emotions under tight control. However, it seemed that his anger and passion had never waned, always locked under a firm grip and wielded like a knife. I wondered at his motives. Hayato undoubtedly knew that even if he won this little challenge, he would never be able to become the Vongola Tenth. What was he planning?

I tilted my head contemplatively while the two interacted before I let out a little sound of understanding.

Ah. This was Reborn's doing, without a doubt. Most probably in an attempt to start building Tsuna's family, he'd summoned Hayato. Hayato clearly wanted a show of power before acknowledging Tsuna as the heir. Clearly, the kid saw the same thing I did: Tsuna did not have the motivation, and he wanted a measure of Tsuna's strength before he threw his support behind the future Vongola boss.

I stood and smirked when Tsuna paled even more at my gleeful face.

"This sounds like a wonderful training exercise, Bakayoshi. Let's get going, Hayato, and afterwards you can hang out with Toni a bit. The poor kid's getting lonely without his peers around," I said cheerfully.

Ignoring Toni's "I'm not a kid anymore!", I grabbed Tsuna by the arm and steered him outside into the campus courtyard.

"W-wait, we can't challenge e-each other here!" Tsuna exclaimed. "Everybody will n-notice!"

I smirked. Good observation. I'd actually wondered this myself quite a bit when I was attending the academy in Italy. How did the civilians not notice all of the illicit activities going on right in front of their faces? Men with swords strapped on their backs and guns holstered on their thighs, ladies with poisoned needles in their hair and razor sharp smiles, daily explosions in the academy itself. Were the civilians blind?

"People are blind when they want to be, Bakayoshi," I replied. "As long as we don't interfere with their lives too much, they'll turn their heads the other way. Call it selective attention deployment, if you will. We'll just clean up the mess right afterwards and wait for a time when not many people are around, and they'll think the giant hole in the ground is part of a construction project. No need to worry."

He wilted in front of my sunny disposition and Hayato's killer intent. Hayato pulled out several sticks of dynamite and held them between his fingers. I grinned.

"You're about to find out why we call Hayato the Smoking Bomb," I said. Toni bit his nails beside me nervously, and I guided his hand away from his mouth. Biting one's nails was a nasty habit. I couldn't let Tsuna die here, too obvious, but I'd make this torture extend as long as I could. "I'll be the judge of this challenge. Begin!"

XxX

Toni didn't understand why I was so disappointed.

"Not only did he not get hurt, he even won himself a new subordinate," I sulked as I trailed behind Tsuna and his newly made friend.

"Eh, aren't you supposed to be happy about that?" Toni asked tentatively. I gave him a sullen look before sighing.

"I guess I am," I muttered as I glared at Tsuna's back, Hayato bouncing along beside him like he hadn't been aiming to kill Tsuna only a mere hour ago. His previous hostility had evaporated, and in its place was admiration and respect and another puppy that followed Tsuna around. I glanced at Toni and scowled. One puppy was enough.

Stupid Reborn and his stupid bullets and his stupid timing and his stupid and effective life lessons and how did he even manipulate this event?!

I sighed again, and Toni glanced at me worriedly and I waved him off.

"You're going to grow mushrooms if you keep sulking," Reborn said from atop my head, and if I could have without the threat of losing a middle finger, I would have flicked him the bird.

"What does that even mean?" I asked.

"Oh, I know! It's a Japanese thing where if you sulk too much, your aura gets dark and damp enough, and you'll start growing mushrooms on your head!" Toni exclaimed, completely oblivious to the dirty look I was giving him.

"Let them grow."

Stupid Reborn and his stupid bullets and stupid Tsuna's sudden inspiration to save Hayato's life from his own goddamn bombs.

It was such a pity. If Hayato had managed to off him, I would have claimed that a subordinate did not defend his boss's honor in a showdown and that it would have been dishonorable to interfere, and I would have been home free. But _nooooo_ , that's not how the world worked.

I sighed again, and Reborn whapped me sharply on the head as a result.

"Stop sighing, you're ruining the atmosphere."

I sighed again.

XxX

I discovered many things the following week.

It turned out that if a dedicated tutor was found, it wasn't a huge struggle to bring up Tsuna's grades. The problem with Tsuna's education was that he'd never fully learned the basics, and without the basics, he could hardly grasp the more difficult theories. And so, Hayato decided that, for his Tenth and to prove his loyalty, he'd teach Tsuna the basics in all of his subjects, and Reborn and I would be in charge of the more advanced part of his curriculum.

I flipped through his psychology textbook, reacquainting myself with concepts I hadn't studied for twenty two years.

 _Huh…I remember most of this_.

Well, we were only a quarter through the first semester. If pressed, I could catch him up easily. I jotted down important concepts from the first chapter and sat Tsuna down.

"Now, I know that you're not entirely stupid, no matter how much your actions beg to differ," I began, and Tsuna wilted dejectedly from my criticism, "so we're going to start from the first chapter and work our way to the material you're learning now. Then you'll be on your own, understand? No more slacking off, because I'm gonna _whip you into shape_."

Hayato gave me a glare and bristled at my, no doubt in his mind, disrespectful attitude towards the Tenth. I ignored him. No matter how much of a prodigy Hayato was in his studies and his ability to handle explosives on a daily basis, he didn't have my experience nor my training in combat. I'd beat him with one hand tied behind my back, and he knew it.

It also helped that Toni was latched onto Hayato's arm and chattering a mile a minute. It decreased the intimidation factor by a ton.

"By the end of this, I'll have you reciting Freudian theory in your sleep. Get ready." I tapped a ruler in my hand menacingly, a shadow covering my eyes as I chuckled in a low, intimidating bass.

Something else I'd discovered was that Tsuna was, underneath his whining and shrieking and general inability to function like a human being, surprisingly strong. Not strong physically, since he still couldn't finish my training exercises easily, but strong mentally. Granted, his self-confidence issues were still ginormous, and he saw himself as worthless, but he knew how to make friends, to boost another's confidence and reassure them that he _cared_.

He took care of Hayato, who had a multitude of issues himself. Once Tsuna had gained a friend, he made sure to _keep_ that friend, to care for them and love them and give himself over to them. He soothed Hayato's insecurities, calmed him when the Italian was frantic and chilled his hot temper.

He also took care of Toni. Toni found a fast friend in the short brunet, and the two studied together, talked together and joked together. I guess that I was supposed to be glad that Toni's only friend wasn't just me, that he'd found another kindred soul in both Tsuna and Hayato. I knew that the seething jealously growing in my gut, the bitterness that he'd found companionship where I had found none, the angry _you should be on my side_ circling around and around in my head like a snake were wrong. I shouldn't have felt what I did, but I did.

I didn't like feeling how I did, which means that the faster I killed Tsuna, the faster I could get away from the fact that Tsuna _wasn't_ a bad guy, that he was actually a really good person. The faster I slid my blade through his throat, the faster I could run away.

XxX

I somewhat admired Tsuna's proclivity towards drawing in people the moment Reborn arrived when he couldn't even make a friend before we barged into his life. I admired it and at the same time, resented it.

It had been a normal day, merely a week after Hayato had joined our merry little group of let's-train-Tsuna-to-become-a-mafia-boss. To my disappointment, he was not progressing at the pace of a turtle. When he set his mind to something, he had the resolve and determination to see it through. His main weak point was his lack of faith in himself.

He would be an admirable mafia boss. He wouldn't get there if I had anything to say about it, though.

Which was a shame, really.

It was during his gym class that we ran into a certain cheerful teen by the name of Yamamoto Takeshi.

Yamamoto Takeshi was on a scholarship for his baseball at Namimori University. While not the smartest, he was sharp and cunning when it came to playing his favorite sport. He could slip underneath defenses with a carefree attitude and then strike home with his bat and baseball.

It was kind of scary, where he could go if he turned that determination into something else.

"'Sup, Tsuna right?" Yamamoto asked, slinging an arm over Tsuna's shoulder when it was time to pick teams for baseball. "You can be on my team!"

I was chosen for the other team, as was Toni, but Hayato was on Yamamoto's team as well.

"Hey, you know he's going to cost us the game! Leave him, he'll make us lose," someone on the sidelines called. To be honest, it was probably true. Tsuna was excessively clumsy and had no hand-to-eye coordination whatsoever.

It was so at odds of what I sometimes saw in training, when, in a flash of inspiration, he'd predict where I'd be attacking from and dodge or block. He had a knack for hand-to-hand combat, but he showed none of that talent in any other daily activities.

"Um…well, if you'll have me," Tsuna replied shyly, and I snorted. This game would be an easy win.

And it was.

We won in a landslide, Toni cheering beside me while Hayato attempted to cheer Tsuna up.

"Maa, it's fine. It's only a game," Yamamoto placated his friends. I was thoroughly unimpressed. I could understand Toni's enthusiasm. He was practically a child mentally, but what the hell was up with the other college students? They were about to turn twenty, for god's sake, not middle school kids. Where did they get off mocking other people for being bad at athletics? Making fun of another's weakness was childish and immature at best, and I sneered when I saw some of Yamamoto's teammates shooting glares over at a shrinking Tsuna.

(I pushed away the little presence in the corner of my mind jumping up and down and shouting " _me, me, I bully him too!_ ". Traitor, my mind was sometimes.)

I sighed as Yamamoto gazed out at the field that he and Tsuna were on duty to clean after class. As I waited for Tsuna to finish his duties, arms crossed over my chest, I heard some of their conversation.

"It's just, I feel like the baseball gods have abandoned me," the baseball player lamented, with an unusually serious face. I screwed up my face. _The baseball gods? How old were these college kids mentally?_ "My grades are going down, and my baseball is on a decline as well. But lately, I've heard that your grades have gone up, and you've gotten better at gym, no matter what other people say."

Tsuna sputtered in embarrassment. "I-I didn't really do much myself. I've had help." Well, at least the brat knew it.

"So how did you do it?" Yamamoto asked, eyes earnest and expressive. He really, really wanted to succeed in baseball, didn't he? I could respect that. "How did you change from Dame-Tsuna to…well, this?"

Tsuna backed away, slightly unnerved at the intensity.

"W-well, I've been working really hard lately," Tsuna replied hesitantly and glanced at me. He flinched slightly, and I grinned. Good, he should be wary of me. "I guess more effort is the way to go, I think."

"Tsuna, hurry up. We'll be late to our next class," I barked, and he jumped and hurried to finish gathering the balls and return them to the crate. I eyed Yamamoto, who was also watching me suspiciously. Sharp senses, that one as well. If I didn't know better, I'd have said that he could have been a hitman himself. I tilted my head. "If you're so worried, maybe you should give up and find something else to do. You can't always have what you want. When one thing fails, don't just sit on that failure and think that this is the end. Find something else, another route, another method. There's never a such thing as an end, Yamamoto."

And with that last parting advice, and grabbed Tsuna's arm and dragged him towards the changing rooms.

Because you _couldn't_ always have all you wanted. Hard work didn't amount to success all the time. Look at where my determination to protect Giorgio took me.

XxX

"Yamamoto, he's about to jump! Hurry!"

I looked up from the book I'd been reading during class to pass the time more quickly (it was either that or play a game on my phone, which seemed less acceptable judging by the professor's disapproving glares). Jump? As in jump off a building? Suicide?

Tsuna leapt from his chair and rushed out of room. I blinked slowly before sighing.

"Let's see what the runt's doing now," I muttered, cursing the Yamamoto kid under my breath. Really? Why the hell was everyone so dramatic at this university? It was as if Hayato's arrival lead a whole slew of drama on campus. Hayato had jumped immediately after Tsuna and followed.

Toni followed me, face troubled as we flowed with the crowd of students heading towards a building. There were already some people at the bottom of the building, gathering a tarp in hopes of keeping Yamamoto safe should he fall, but at this height…

I peered up at the top of the building. I wondered if I should do something about the situation. After all, my grudge lay with the Vongola and, by association, Tsuna, not with his classmates. And as heartless and sadistic as I sometimes acted, I didn't _enjoy_ watching others fall to their deaths.

I watched Tsuna rush into the building, most likely to head onto the roof. He was surprisingly proactive for someone who usually timidly stuttered all the time. I nudged Toni in the side.

"Hey, go follow him. I'm going to stay down here," I said, still eyeing the tarp. It was a flimsy security blanket at best. If there was saving needed to be done, I'd be down here, ready to provide support. I laid my hand on my bow, ready to draw and fire. I trusted my aiming skills enough that I was positive I could try pinning their clothes into the brick wall (no comment on the fact that my arrows could pierce brick in the first place, I was just as surprised when I'd gotten state-of-the-art top technology missiles that could dent even metal).

I heard vague shouting from the roof but ignored it, keeping my eye trained for movement. And… _there_. There seemed to be some sort of commotion as the fence around the roof collapsed. Someone fell off the roof, followed by two other figures that hurtled towards the ground. _What were they doing, imitating lemmings? Jesus…_

The last two people falling were Tsuna and Toni, and I shook my head in exasperation. Toni could survive this fall, no problem, but Tsuna would quickly become strawberry jam on the hard concrete ground unless Toni did something. Toni grabbed onto Tsuna's arm and jammed his giant sword into the building, no doubt causing a large amount of infrastructure damage but effectively slowing down their descent. I trusted Toni to take care of Tsuna, so I turned my attention to the first figure.

I smoothly drew my bow and aimed, and not long after, shot an arrow at the first falling figure that I identified as Yamamoto. As I predicted, the arrow kissed his skin and pinned his shirt to the wall. However, with the speed at which he was falling, the shirt ripped, and I cursed.

I thought quickly. My arrows couldn't save him, but…

With rapid fire calculations, I fired another arrow several feet off the ground. I'd have to time my actions carefully if I didn't want another death on my conscience. My bow was set on the ground, and I began running towards the building. I breathed through my nose and jumped, setting my foot on the second arrow that was embedded in the wall to give me another ledge before I propelled my body towards Yamamoto.

His body hit my arms, and I grit my teeth at the jarring sensation. I gripped him tightly across the waist and shifted him aside so I got a clear view of the ground.

"This'll be a rough landing, hold on," I muttered before bending my legs in preparation for the impact.

As I'd predicted, the landing was rocky at best. I hissed in strain as I attempted to keep both of us from smashing into the ground entirely. Once we were safe from immediate mortal danger, I dropped him carelessly and rolled to lessen any potential damage to myself. I'd saved Yamamoto's life, I wasn't going to protect him from every scratch his idiotic actions resulted in.

Once my heart stopped pounding, I stood and glanced around for the black haired teen. I spotted him rubbing his head and strode over.

"You're a giant fucking dumbass, you know that?" I asked, towering over him while he was on the ground, arms crossed and glower on my face. "Failure isn't the end of your life. Stand up and move on, because unfortunately for you, the world doesn't revolve around your actions, and I swear if I have to stop you from another suicide attempt, I just might let you go ahead and die."

He stared up at me blankly before a call of "Yamamoto!" drew his attention to Tsuna, who'd landed safely on the ground as well (much more gracefully than I had with Yamamoto) with Toni. Well, more like Toni set him down gently while cushioning his impact with his giant ass sword. I was slightly jealous. Maybe I should have thought about investing in a weapon large enough to damage buildings.

"Tsuna, keep your friends under control. I'm your bodyguard, not your babysitter," I sneered before rolling my shoulders to make sure I hadn't strained anything.

"S-sorry..." Tsuna apologized and quailed under my sharp gaze before scurrying towards the other teen. "Yamamoto-san, are you okay?"

"Don't talk to him that way," Yamamoto's sharp voice cut through the air, and I raised my eyebrows when I turned to find the Japanese man glaring at me.

"Oh?"

Yamamoto switched his attention between Tsuna and me before clarifying. "I'm thankful for what you did, but you have no right to insult someone who works so hard and cares for his friends."

I sighed. Idiots, the lot of them.

"Yeah, sure."

"You okay, Matt?" Toni asked, and I grinned at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Good job up there. I'm proud," I replied, and he flushed in satisfaction. _Still adorable_ , I mused as I grabbed my bow and strapped it onto my back again.

All's well that ends well.

(For Tsuna. I wished he'd just fallen, but alas, that wasn't how the dice fell.)

XxX

 **Sincerely yours,**

 **haplessgrapefrut**


End file.
